My daughter is a beautiful young woman. She's 34. She's going downhill mentally. She's on antidepressants but I'm watching her ebb away. Depressed, panic attacks, unable to sleep in her bed and goes to the spare room. Won't go out to make friends. She lives with me since my husband took a job out of state and we're very close. She took care of the house and animals during my last trip and when I came home she started crying and asked me to not leave again. While I was gone was when she stopped sleeping in her room. Says she just can't sleep there.

I have had her in counseling and she was better for a while but it seems she isn't happy in her body. Like she wants to die. I worry about suicide. I should add that she was molested by a family member when she was young but has blocked most of it out.

I don't know what to do. Help.

Dianne, It sounds like your daughter might need to get counseling again. You mentioned, she was feeling better for awhile, when she had it before.

Sleeping in the spare room and not her room because she just can't sleep there? Do you feel comfortable asking her to explain her reasoning for this,i.e. Bad dreams, something about the setup of that particular room?

She sounds like your daughter doesn't want to be alone. Dianne, our children, no matter what age, need us especially when life is not going well. I am glad she is with you so you can keep an eye or her. (your mention of suicide)

You also wrote about her blocking out molestation as a child. Do you think this has anything to do with how she is feeling?

Can you sit with her and talk, or is she not always open about her feelings? As a Mother of two girls, I feel for your situation and have added you and your beautiful daughter to my daily prayers. I hope it won't be long before you find healing process for her.

Luv
chick

Chick, she just said she wasn't able to sleep in her room. She's been sleeping in it for over a year so I don't understand this sudden change. Said something about anxiety.

She's hesitant to open up much. I can get her to go so far and then she stops, especially about the molestation. Yes, that changed her personality. It changed everything about her. I mean, she's a size two petite and thinks she's fat.

This situation makes me feel so helpless not being able to offer some wisdom. I know she is in the best hands possible but maybe she needs even more help than you can give her. I will pray very hard for you both....

Dianne, parenting never ends because of the deep maternal love we have for our children. I am so grateful she is with you and you can keep an eye on her. If you are concerned about suicide then it's time to get a professional involved.

You mention antidepressants. Perhaps she isn't taking the right medication or dosage. Perhaps if the medicine is switched you may see a change within a week. Remember, depression is a chemical imbalance that can be brought back to the center with the appropriate therapy and medication. I am praying for her to feel hopeful and to witness positive changes soon.

For you I am praying for guidance. You can direct her on the right path. I have faith in you! Sending warm prayers and thoughts inyour direction.

Oh, and have you asked her how you can help?

My husband was home so I didn't want to get into it too deeply with him here. I think I'll talk to her tonight. It really hurts to watch your kids struggle, doesn't it?

She just started a new job so I'm hoping that might help somewhat. Works with gals around her age. She just now called me asking if we could go out for dinner tonight. That's a good sign I guess.

I really appreciate your thoughts and words. Sometimes, we just have to reach out for help and this was one of my times.

I know I this is controversail, but please be very careful about relying too strongly on anti depressants. The long term effects of these drugs is only now being studied and previously known facts are only now being revealed.

Doctors and pharmaceutical companies market anti depressants for "Chemical imbalance," but there is no scientific evidence that such an imbalance actually exists. If there was an imbalance, it should show up in the chemistry of the blood or spinal fluid and it doesn't.

If there was a chemical imbalance, the imbalance should be treated, not the brain. Instead anti depressants treat the brain by altering the natural chemicals that cause it to react normally to negative life incidents.

Anti depressants are "treatments," but not "cures." They alter the brain's reaction to sadness. And by doing that they can exaccerbate an already precarious situation.

I respect anyone's choice to take any legal drug they choose, but I hope everyone will become an informed consumer before depending on medication for depression.

Long term use of anti depressants can actually exaccerbate depressive reactions. In the same way that pain medications such as tylenol that alters the brain's reaction to pain has recently been proven to lower the pain threshold, anti depressants lower the brain's sadness threshold.

The brain is smart. It protects you by forcing you to react to pain, both physical and psychological, by "feeling" it. If that feeling is depressed by chemically altering the brain, it will react more severely the next time. Eventually even a slight sadness can cause the brain to over react in an effort to get your attention to a potential threat and you may feel, not just sad, but terribly, possibly even suicidally sad.

If you change the dose, the type of drug, or stop taking anti depressants without very careful supervision, any type of sadness can easily induce suicidal thoughts.

Short term use of anti depressants can be a life saver, but proceed with caution and be aware that long term use can be debilitating.

Because I care about you and I care those you love, I beg you not to rely entirely on drugs to treat depression. The truth about these drugs is still unknown. Here's a website. Much is about children, but there is evidence of ill effects in adults as well.

http://www.antidepressant-drugs-and-suicide.com/news.htm

smile

Thanks smile. I appreciate the very good info.

I talked with her last night and she had gotten the flu and didn't make it to the bathroom on time and vomited on her carpeting. It was the cleaner that she used that triggered the feelings. Goes back to her dog and it's a long and sad story. So, we talked it out and she says she's going to start sleeping in there again. It was so bad, she used the other door to her bedroom to enter instead of the usual one. Her counselor taught her that when she was having trouble years ago.

I think all of her problems go back to the early molestation. It broke her spirit. She believes it serves no purpose to go back in time and relive it or talk about it. It happened and you just move forward. This person also molested my other daughter and she talked about it until she got it all out. Neither of my girls told me about it until they were older, in their 20's.

Dianne, soemone recently remarked that we are only as happy as our most miserable child. This sounds very negative, but I find it to be true. When our kids hurt, we hurt right along with them.

Praying she gets the help she needs to heal, and that you have the presence of mind to help her in any way that will move her in the direction of healing.