Smile, I am not dismissing your comments about anti-depressants. I appreciate the information, and on some level I know your information may be correct. I agree that we cannot rely only on anti-depressants to manage symptoms. My mother was diagnosed clinically depressed, my father was schizophrenic as well as clinically depressed, my brother had ADHD before it ws even common to diagnosis it, my other brother lives in a chronic state of joy lessness. Obviously, there is a genetic component in my family! Oh, to be like Goldie Hawn, all happy and joyful all the time! LLL

Leigha, I have been able to seperate my identity from the trauma. I have learned that we were born innocent, spiritual beings, and that love and light is the essence of our beings. There is muscle memory and sensory memory related to trauma, thus the triggers ie. from a smell. I have used trauma to create my destiny: "Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." I might rather have been an interior designer, or a celebrity who can hire an interior designer, but breaking the silence and busting the myths of abuse has become my life's work. I find a balance in watercolor painting, my pets, and horsebackriding. I am anxious to read your book! Soon! Love and Light, Lynn

Msdiana, I'm sorry to hear of what you experienced, and how you had to survive. My neice was 13 when I remembered what my brother had done to me when I was 13. At the time I recalled, I was 43. It was not that I had forgotten; it was that I had suppressed the memories so deeply because he had threatened me with my life, my mother's life, etc. You seem to have a very good understanding of abuse and how it affects our lives. All the methods you have used to recover are ways in which I started recovery. I'm glad to hear that you are on the other side. I too have become the woman I was meant to be before my dreams were extinguished by abuse. Well, almost. There are paths in life that I did not take because of trauma, and paths I took that I shouldn't have due to trauma. But those are on the physical plane. It's just too late for some things. On the emotional and spiritual level, I feel as though I am for the most part whole and complete. Dotsie says this well: "I am touched by your battle and grateful for your victory." Thanks for telling us more about who you are! You are brave and strong! Love and Light, Lynn

I would risk long term affects of anti depressants rather than ever face my daughter's possible suicide. Her PMS really kicked in the depression every month and her doctor put her on Prozac. It has helped her a lot.

I believe her new job has helped her more than anything.

Lynn, if I can ever get your book back from the woman I loaned it to, I will give it to her to read. I'm afraid though, it could be a trigger for her. It's hard to know the right thing to do.

Another good sign is she's put on a little weight and is comfortable with it. Jokes about her fat butt (now a size four petite) so you can see she isn't close to being heavy but it's nice to not hear her obsess over food like she used to do.

Hearing all your stories and how you have accomplished so much in spite of being molested and abused, gives me hope.

The catastrophic effects of anti depressants are not necessarily long term. The only long term effects seems to be that the effectiveness of antidepressants appear to be lessened over time.

The crises appear to occur most often when the drugs are either first introduced, the dosage or form of the drug is changed, or the drug is abruptly stopped or interrupted.

They catastrophic effects appear to be more common in younger people whose frontal lobe (the area where impulse control is thought to be located) is not yet well developed.

Taking or not taking any form of legal drug is a personal decision and I support anyone dealing with the traumas of life in any way they choose.

At the same time I urge parents to do their own research before allowing any form of drug to be administered to their children or teens.

smile

Re: anti-depressants

When I took my 17-year-old daughter to see a psychiatrist last fall to get a script for an anti-depressant (she'd already been in talk therapy for a few months and I thought that it was time to try meds), one of the first things he wanted to know was what anti-depressants I take. He explained that until scientists can pinpoint which drugs work will work for an individual, prescribing for a person is trial-&-error and the best place to start is to prescribe what a close relative (that's me) is taking. So, that's what he did, and, my daughter is much better.

I am hoping that by getting treatment now when she's only 17, that she'll be spared a life of constant depression and/or dysthmia like her mother and her grandmother have endured.

Hi Smile, thanks for the continuing information on anti-ds. That is so true about the front lobe and its development. I have increased my dosage of Celexa over the years. When I lessen the dose, I can quickly slip into depression. Even with all I learned, even with all the love and light, I can still slip into suicidal thinking when stressed. At least the process lasts only a couple of days, versus years on end like when I was young. Misfire, I just now noticed you signature about directing the wind. I love that! LLL

Dianne, I too had extreme mood swings during PMS. Had the swings not been so obviously cycled with my periods, I could have been diagnosed bipolar. But that was ruled out because my mood swings, although extreme, could be marked on a calendar versus being random. I was prescribed Zoloft, and it helped to curtail the swings somewhat. Still swinging, but not so severe. Yeah, I wonder if my book could be triggering. I have not had any abuse survivors say they were triggered. They say it helped them to deal with the abuse, and understand the ramifications. Of course, I may never know those who were triggered and weren't able to tell me. If a reader is in counseling and/or on meds, and has a solid support system, if there is a trigger it can be processed. It sounds like the real trigger for your daughter was that smell you mentioned associated with traumatic event. I'm glad to hear she is on the upswing, and the job is helping her. Love and Light, Lynn

She's working a lot of hours but I feel it's good for her right now. Seeing her nephews helped too. She's a kid lover. I was traveling a lot and she was home alone with the animals so I can imagine that didn't help her much. But then, I can't live my life around her needs all the time. She's chipper and spunky today. I think she's pulling out of it. I'm going to be gone for five days next week so we'll see what happens.

I wanted or needed to add to this problem, as if what I've posted already isn't bad enough!

She was dating a doctor in AZ and I never met him and she vaguely talked about him. Something didn't seem right. Well, she had seen the warning signs but decided she'd been too picky her entire life and lowered her standards. Well, this jerk got angry with her and showed up at the house, beat her up and held her hostage the entire night. Didn't leave until he was good and ready the next morning. She refused to call the police and I couldn't press charges so I made her come stay with me for a while. She got off the plane with two black eyes, a bruised nose and black and blue handprints on her arms. I would have killed him, given the chance. I still would but I don't know his name and trust me, I tried to find out. I'm a good detective when I want to be. When she returned home, he started calling and leaving messages like nothing had happened! She finally called him back and told him she'd have him served with a restraining order at the hospital in front of everyone and worse than that, her mother was seeking revenge so he better think twice before ever trying to call her again. Put an end to that but she's been left with the feelings and residue of this awful experience.