Jackie..I think it is quite a tribute to you that your kids want to come home to you rather than having you to come to them for Christmas..you must feel so happy...I have a sign that I hang next to my door at this time each year that reads "All Hearts Come Home at Christmas" My kids love it..they think it was written just for them!!
I hope your Holidays are joyous and truly "hospital free" this year...you deserve it.

Brenda...sorry to hear that you cried thru Thanksgiving...that breaks my heart..is moving to Texas a possibility for you? I am not fortunate enough to have grandchildren yet...but I know when I do I won't want to be far away from them either...Hope it all works out happily for you..

EagleHeart..This is my first year without parents..I have been upset all week...I don't want to be a downer for my kids...they think of me as their "rock"...all I really want to do is fast forward the calendar to be January 2...after reading your post I can see that after 4 years it's still a struggle for you without your parents...I guess I'll just have to put one foot in front of the other and see where it takes me this year...

Nancy, my heart aches with you...all of the "firsts" are the worst! Our first Christmas without Mom was dismal, despite our best efforts to keep ourselves from falling apart...there was such a gaping hole. It was probably hardest on my youngest brother, so I tried to compensate for the void by buying lots of gifts to give out throughout the day...stockings in the morning, tree gifts mid-day, surprise gifts in the late afternoon and even some "taking home" gifts. It did brighten up the day somewhat, because it was something Mom would probably have tried to do in the same circumstances!

It's easier now, except that we're still weaning ourselves off the multiple gift thing that I started that year!!! Everyone enjoyed it so much that the next year they started giving surprise gifts throughout the day too! It's been a fun new tradition, but too expensive to continue.

Anyway, I know what it feels like to just want to fast-forward the calendar. I still feel that way even this year. Mom was such a Christmas person, it's still difficult to find our way through the emptiness at the core of our hearts and gatherings. I'll be thinking of you throughout this season, and especially Christmas Day...when my heart gets sad, it helps to have someone else's sad heart to focus on...I'll be sending you prayers, care and warm nudges to help you through the day.

[ December 03, 2005, 07:10 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Thanks for the countdown Eagle Heart, I was beginning to think I was counting alone....

For some reason Christmas besides being joyous for the most part, is also meloncoly for me, I fine myself tearing up for no reason and I think I finally figured out why. I am fortunate enough that Mom is still alive but she's several thousand miles away....In a bit of a funk last night, I lit the Christmas lights and put on my snuggly robe and slippers and sat down to read a book. I was mesmerized by this book and it took me to places in my mind and in my lost childhood buried deep that I barely remembered. I laughed, and cried at the things I read about the life of this incredible woman. Her book brought to the surface for me why I felt all the saddness around the holidays. I was fortunate enough to enjoy a blessed life growing up surrounded by family. My Grandfather and Grandmother on Moms side were my rocks. I loved and respected my Grandma so much and she was definitely the Matriarch, everything revolved around this woman with her countless talents. In a nut shell, I miss my life, the one I once had. while growing up. Now is a lonier time for me, one that feels like I'm just marking time until the end. Eagle Heart the book I was reading was your book; Eagle Born To Fly...When I read the part about the dream of the happy little 5 year old girl with you and then her terrible end, being hit by those two cars and killed. I thought that subconsciously the first car represented your Mother and the second car, your Father. Your Mother for the hurtful things she said, like being blindsided and then your Fathers spanking you instead of holding and loving you. All in all I read and read until it was the end of the book. My goodness, we never know where answers to some of our own life mysterys will be discovered. I believe your book has shed some light on some of mine and for that 'Thank You.' This is a wonderful read for anyone experiencing depression and even for those not understanding what they are experiencing. I am so truly happy that your friend Kate refused to give up on her intuition and you are here wih us now and I have the priviledge of calling you friend and learnig from you...

[ December 03, 2005, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Amen, Chatty! Eagle's book is the first one I ordered and read from this site. I could relate to a lot of the story, but mostly to the feelings. I discovered that I've suffered from depression from time to time. Even though I live with so many people, I often feel alone. But when I discover that other women have had the same feelings, it makes me feel less alone. I love Eagle and "Eagle Born to Fly"

Christmas has always been a tough time for me, and I know why. I've always tried to be the Super Mom and wife.
Now my dear daughters have taken over the preparing of all the goodies for our dinner, but I've never had that wonderful feeling about Christmas that everyone else around me talks about.
Today, and maybe many more days are going to be very sad for me. That's another topic.
We've had snow in beautiful Olympia, and it just makes me feel lonely.
Keep that countdown going you all!
Lynne

Chatty, you brought unexpected tears to my eyes. Thank you to you and Bluebird...you made my day!

I usually enjoy all the holidays and find myself singing Christmas songs, decorating and thinking of what I will make for our family Christmas dinner. The worst time for me is when I wake up on Christmas morning, alone again, and also in the evening when all the festivities are over. I try not to feel anything because I don't want to end the day with feeling sorry for myself, especially when so many others are far worse off than I am.

I still have not read your book Eagle. I plan to in the next few weeks, since my work slows down to practically nothing and my home projects are finished for the year. Maybe I can get a life now!

Daisygirl

21 more days until Christmas...

Daisygirl might I suggest buying a polaroid camera and on Christmas morning and in the evening once the festivities are done, take out all the pictures that were taken (take alot) and sit down with a cup of hot cocoa and look at them all remembering each moment and reliving the joy. It works for me when coming home alone to a quiet house except for my babies who greet me joyously.

Eagle Heart..thank you sooooo much...your empathetic words mean more than you can possibly imagine...sometimes I feel like I am out here all by myself and then someone like you says they know how I feel and my heart lights up and I feel strength from your inspirational words..I love your idea about special "surprise gifts" thoughout the day and so I am going to borrow your idea this year if you don't mind...in fact I just ordered 3 of your books to give as "taking home" gifts..I so appreciate those prayers and warm nudges...and I'm sending them right back to you with love....you have really made my day..

Thanks Nancy (I PM'd you as well). I'm on the run today, but just dropped by to say: 20 more days til Christmas!

I'll be back this evening...