Wow, Beth! My ex also cheated on me. I know the sting of the other woman being smug. "She" (and I use that term loosely) used to call me up and tell me that MY husband was in love with HER and there wasn't a thing I could do about it! My husband didn't think she was doing such a thing, but I assure you she was.

You should never, never, never take this man back! He cheated on you once and now he's cheating on the woman he left you for. It's a viscious cycle and he's playing you. If's he's cheated on you and he's cheated on her, he will cheat on you again! The man is totally immature! You definitely need to stay away from him and you need to tell him that and why. He'll play you for everything you have including your dignity and you will be left emptier than you were the first time.

It does get better - I promise. There's someone else out there who's perfect for you. I never thought I'd find anyone, but I have been married for the past 25 years to a wonderful man. My ex couldn't hold a candle to this one!

Beth, remember the bad things he did and write them down. The next time you even think about contacting him...READ YOUR LIST! Still thinking about you....

Dotsie, that is exactly what I did in my first divorce. Most cheating types will try to get you to deny reality. They want to smoooze you into giving them what they want - which is take away your self respect and dignity so they can feel like the big stud. I wrote down every neglectful, hateful, and mean thing he ever did, 20 years worth. When you go back and read it and it there in black and white - you cannot deny it to yourself any longer.

Beth, I hope each day that passes you feel better and stronger. At some point you will look back at the time with your ex as a bad dream - and at some point you won't look back at all.

Daisygirl

Beth, I married (& divorced) my ex-husband 2X. Each marriage he cheated. He's now been married 5X and presently married to his 4th wife. He loved to weigh me against his paramours. It took me a long time, but I finally realized that these women simply do not measure up to me! Although the present wife earns a good deal of money, I am confident he will spend every dime he can! So let him, and she will pay heavily!

So, as you can see, men (and women) who cheat (and do not accept responsibility and attempt to change their attitudes for the better) will continue the same disruptive behavior.

Athough it does not seem so now, Beth, you will be and are much better off w/out this man in your life!

God bless you and chin up!

I kept telling my ex....I'm unhappy, the marriage isn't working, blah, blah....and then when I finally packed the son, the dog and left
him standing outside our lovely home, he called out "hey but you have my jacket on" my reply
"I'll mail it to you" and left my NJ home and headed for Florida. Over one year later, he called and told me he remodeled the bathroom, now will I come home?????? H E L L O !!! did he think that moving van, with all the furniture, was going to Fla temporarily? Dah...years later, he told me his girlfriend wanted to get married, but he had to ask "but I need to know if you are coming home"? Oh sure, I'm remarried, have a new baby, own a business here in Fl and he wants to know if I'm coming home. Some men haven't a clue!

Sandi, my x did the same thing. I also kept saying I was "thinking about divorce". When I said I was getting one, that was it - it was a done deal, but he still didn't believe it. A couple of days before I was to look at houses for sale, he sat me down and said he had talked to a mortgage co. and wanted to put my name on his house. What a moron! There was NO WAY I would hitch my horse to his wagon. I found a house that day, moved into it a month later and he still thought there was a chance for us to get back together. He didn't get it until he received a letter from my attorney. Then he came over, pleading and begging, saying he'd changed. Didn't buy it.

And my 1st husband. He wanted to get back together, even though he was still dating the woman that helped break up our marriage.

Of course, some women would've gone back and that's a problem for us women who won't stand for bad behavior from our men. When I say I will do something, whether it's going shopping, dog-sitting or getting a divorce, I do it, unless there is a true emergency. If there is a small chance I won't, then I don't say I will. In the case of my 2nd x, his x was a witch and they played mind games with each other. That's what he thought I was doing.

I'm rambling....sorry.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl: not rambling at all! That's my job!!
In any event, I hear you. And he wanted to get back while still dating the person he cheated on w/ you? Woah! That would never do.
Did I tell you before I left for Fla (4 weeks flat!) he took my car, had an accident!!!! and then said, now what? I bought a car in a flash and was still "outa there"....I mean, this is a guy who backs out of the garage with the door down!!! We women can do anything!!!

These men never seem to know a good thing when they have it and still can't get a grip when they see us going on down the road. The movie DUMB and DUMBER comes to mind. Bravo to both you ladies....You are an asset to our gender.

Thank you Chatty.

Sandi, my 2nd x actually wanted us to go to a Christian marriage retreat. LOL LOL!!! I realized though, he only wanted another opportunity to smoozze me. Once my eyes were opened, I couldn't close them again and pretend.

I do believe those retreats are very valuable and can enhance a marriage, but they can't turn a lying drunk verbal abuser into a decent human being.

Daisygirl

Oh my goodness! Does this ever bring up memories! I'm going to pass on making much of a comment to avoid the sick to my stomach feeling I get when I think about the 13+ years I suffered with a cheating husband.

All I can add is that anything so painful as the betrayal of a spouse takes a long while to overcome. The trick is not to make the same mistake again if you are interested in finding another life partner. Once I started dating again, if I was attracted to a man I thoroughly dissected him and focused on his morals and integrity more than how attractive or fun or witty he was. It narrowed the field considerably.

Tami