Amen to all who say that the family can disintergrate with the death of one's parents. Your whole life there are Holiday rules and expectations, then the center falls out and no one left can fill the void. I envy people with huge families. There is always someone there. My dad died in 2001 and my mom is in the final stages of dementia. My husband's family is bigger, but has a lot of hostilities. This Christmas we will be alone for the first time ever. Our kids have other plans. This site has helped me feel closer to normal, at least not such a freak when I well up and cry for no reason. I thank you all for your support and candor.

What you said is true, Dandy. That's why my husband and I try to just start new traditions with our kids or even do something different each year. I beleive in going with the flow with however we are feeling that year. It's too bad your kids won't include you in their plans. Do you and your husband have the option (and $$) to go to a resort or B&B to celebrate with others?
Or are there any friends or neighbors who you could get together with?
Hey, if you wanna travel to SW CO, you're welcome here! I got enough kids to share with several couples!!!

Thanks Bluebird,
Maybe I'm afraid if we go a different direction it will mean that the Holidays will never be the same. I guess that is true, I just don't want it to be so. Would love to see Colorado, hear it's beautiful.

Dandy,
My heart really aches for you...I lost my Dad to dementia last February and I am still reeling from the loss...this is my first Christmas as an orphan and I know it's silly to feel so sad because I have a loving husband and 4 amazing kids to share the Holidays with...but I was somebody's child for 50 years..and now that dimension of my life is gone..forever...I am praying that after Christmas is over that I can move forward and begin to grieve a little less each day...but the holidays are all about the Family...beginning with the Holy Family...and celebrated all over the world by each of our families...it's the way Christ taught us to be with one another...have you told your children how this is affecting you this year..perhaps one or more of them can postpone their plans for a day or two and join you...or even better...perhaps you can join in with them and begin a new tradition? Either way...don't keep this to yourself suffering in silence only leads to built up resentments...let them know that you need them to be with you...ok? I'll pray that it works out and you won't feel alone...all the Blessings of this beautiful Season to you and yours...

Thanks A/B,

Actually, one is expecting their first baby and the other lives 2 states away. Just feeling sorry for me. You know how productive that can be.

Avalon, it's not silly to be sad, ever. And I know that feeling of being an orphan. My dad died when I was 24 and my mom died when I was 38, and that's how I felt. My husband couldn't relate because both of his parents were still alive. And then of course, the siblings start to drift apart. That's when I started focusing on my own kids and what we wanted to do as a family.

Dandy, I was totally serious about coming here. I've got a big family and my SIL and MIL are coming to stay, so I don't really have sleep over room. But if you can afford to stay at a hotel, you are welcome to come here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It's a beautiful little town.

Dandy,
You are not alone . I have been thru family trama on my mothers side . My mother is 94 years old does not know me and out of town . My husband sisters we are close too , but they are out of town for Christmas . I do have a married daughter here and will see them on christmas day. Christmas is for friends , also . Do you have friends that you could invite over . If you and your husband were close you could come .


I know your kids will call or maybe they will surprise you just show up for christmas . Aren't I the positve one.

Hey, just thought of something . Meridith is in Orange County CA . Maybe she could give you a call . Just some thoughts .

[ December 16, 2005, 10:58 PM: Message edited by: Nancy50 ]

Wow, your response is making me cry. I talked to the kids about my feelings, and as it turns out, my husband's as well. One surprised us with an immediate visit and the other will be coming in January (new baby and all). We have thought of 2 people within driving range to visit on Christmas Day. Neither would have had company otherwise. Is this a challenge, or what? Christmas is about God's WHOLE family. Bless you all for the loving net.

Dandy,
There are Angels at work here . Christmas is the spirt of caring sharing with on another . I am so happy that things have turned out well. This will be the best Chrismas ever .

I knew things would work out. God is good.