LB.....

that is PERFECT! We CNBC'ers often feel left out because we cannot identify with motherhood. Granted, since we are all mature around here, the younger women have tendancies to be non-stop about childbirth, child-rearing etc. We often lose friends over "their kids". No ones fault, except the fact that the one who has had kids can be a bit more compassionate in their conversation styles.

You are a darling to be so thoughtful of your friend's childlessness. I do the same. If I want to know about the kids, I ask. However, I have had friends who constantly talk about their grandkids which really makes me sad. This time of life hurts even more. Everyone has them but me, it seems. I KNOW they are blessings, but I was not, and never will be, blessed with them. A sad time of a childless-boomer's life indeed.

I want to thank all of you, especially Di, for opening MY eyes to this. I can honestly say in my own self involvement, I suppose, I never even considered this until you started posting about it. I do have a friend who's son is gay and she's made the statement that she'll never see grandchildren, so I'm very careful not to bring up things that may make her think about it, or sad...but other than this, I've never given to much thought to my other friends who do not have children. I so appreciate this. I mean it. I cherish my friends and want to enhance their lives, not make them feel unloved, unworthy, or any other kind of emotion that MIGHT possibly come up in this situation.

I think what you're doing is fantastic.

JJ

It's the ol' "unless you walk in someone's moccasins" thing.........

Thanks again, Ladies. We CNBC'ers hear MANY times to "just get over it". But let me ask...HOW is this done? There are reminders EVERYWHERE. We go to our annual OB/GYN physical; pg ladies everywhere. Many of us are trying to find GYN's only since it is just too saddening for us to be in the waiting room. Yes, even for me, a 48 yr old woman who as had a hysterectomy.

THEN, they ask you "how many pg'cy's have you had". Don't they READ charts anymore??

Additonally, every one of us thinks/worries very much about being alone (if our DH's predecease us,which is statistically true), who will take care of us as we age....no longer have many couples as friends since they all are so involved with kids/grandkids. We are pretty much lone men on the island in the world.

Sorry, but now that I have the "eyes" of some very intelligent, caring, mature women, I really feel the leading to speak out on this board. These times of our lives, in addition to the times when all of our friends are having their babies, is critical to our well-being. We have to hang out with those who are like-minded. Hence, the onset of our website.

Think about this: in churches today, there is a ministry for EVERYTHING under the sun (Son,too..hee hee!) except the childless. They even have support for infertility. But that still does not allow for those who will never conceive and/or have ended their infertility journey.

Anyway, I'll stop the rollercoaster for now. Sorry to have out of hand.

Thanks for listening (reading) everyone. I feel I have a good audience here!

Not out of hand at all. This is important. The more informed we are (speaking for myself here) the more in tune to other CNBC'ers we'll be...

You've certainly found your voice and it should not be silenced. Would there be any chance of you starting a ministry group at your church? Or at least bringing this to the preacher/pastor or elder's attention? They may be clueless, like me...maybe?

JJ

Actually, jj, my pastor has been educated by me! In fact, last October our local Christian TV station had both my pastor and I on about this. He'd said to me during the break: "Di, in all my years in the ministry, I never thought about the childless", I said, "Not your fault. Why would you? You have children!" He "got it".

Now, he is very careful when he talks about children during any sermon. And, on Mother's Day, I went to church (don't normally go), he greeted me at the door with a Holy hug and told me how much he appreciated my being there. I only cried once (in memory of my own mother). He had ALL women stand and had a gift for us all.

So, back to Christmas and depression....(sorry to hijack here...)

When people say "Christmas is for kids" that cuts like a knife. And my dear father.....DH and I are the only adults he sends gifts to. All my other siblings only get gifts for their kids. And one of my sisters always sends us something as well.

It IS a lonely time of year for me. I recall Christmas' when I was younger and they were ALL wonderful, full of family, cousins etc. Sad that I wont' get to see my own children join in with cousins, aunts and uncles. No daughter to help do Christmas shopping with; no grandchildren to enjoy. :crying now:

Christmas is also a hard time, of course, for those who have lost children (many of the women in my midlife groups have had adult children die, sometimes by violent means) or whose children or grandchildren are estranged from them (very common). Even those who have had miscarriages or terminations and are mourning those losses find this time of year difficult.

I think it's great, Di, that you are spreading the word and have a supportive website for childless women. I know with a son who is barely speaking and hasn't let me see my grandchildren since last Easter, that it is difficult when people, especially those at church who knew him when he was growing up and remember him fondly, ask about him. I say something neutral but sure don't feel like gushing. But I am eternally grateful that I had my daughter, who is the light of my life and promises to take care of me when I'm old (although she nags about me picking up the house now...so I may be scrubbing floors at 94!).

All the more reason for all of us to enjoy our own company and to keep a network of friends (virtual and real life) to substitute for that "family" we either never had or had but lost.

I love the new concept of intentional communities (google it) where people choose to live together for support and interaction. Sort of a new version of the commune thing.

Let's all hope that those who are estranged from their families wii eventually "see the light."

This simple truth: Life is too short to distance ourselves for petty reasons. We need each other.

I'm not speaking for serious issues you have suffered in the past of course. Some of us maybe can't even remember why we're not speaking or what really caused it. These are the families I'm speaking of. It can be hard to make this first call especially if you were not the one who caused the rift. Someone has to make the first call or it may not happen at all.

Well if Christmas is just for kids then the rest of us with grown children and no grandchildren yet should feel bad. I think Christmas is for everyone, not just kids. After all, our children don't stay small forever.

My daughter works so she didn't help me Christmas shop. I went by myself.

I would've liked you there with me.

Because I had my first child at 34 I really understand how people with kids drone on and on to those without children. My mouth use to hurt from the fake smiles I'd give them listening to the boring talk because it would go on and on.

I know how I felt. Not only that, there was tremendous pressure by family members for me to have a child. We were married 10 years before we had the first one.

People can be pretty thoughtless on this issue but then there are those who are just so kind and understanding. I'm hoping you meet more of the latter and less of the former.

Celebrate Christmas with joy. It's for all of us and not just kids.

Sorry, but I just had a current "event" that I have to let out........

Each year we receive a Christmas letter from a family friend. She's a LOVELY person. She and my sister are best friends....as are their kids.

Each year she sends a beautiful letter. This year it included photos of her 3 beautifully, grown children. I cannot believe they are THAT big.

Anyway, although I love getting the letter, it's just a continual reminder that I'll never have my own kids call to tell me they are coming for Christmas......or our travelling to see our own kids........or my being able to send a bragging/pride letter about how MY children are growing and succeeding in life.

Each year, for us, me in particular since DH has kids, it becomes more and more a lonely time. Yeah,yeah, I know I have DH. But it still does not replace what every woman I know has.......children, legacies and a family tree that will continue to other branches.

My "branch" has stopped with me. Now that is a reality check.

Well sometimes the last is the BEST my friend. God does not make mistakes and only gives us the things we can handle and possibly he has saved you from some terrible tragedy. There may be a child out there that is in need of the love you have to give why not search her/him out? That may be your legacy. A child is a child, is a child and the love given is the same. Think about it Di it just may be the answer....