Just thought this was informative.

http://www.beliefnet.com/healthandhealing/getcontent.aspx?cid=14176

smile

Great information here...Take heed ladies this has some of the answers to the questions being asked by the women whose hubby's have changed of late and NOT for the better...thanks Smile!

hello Smile and Chatty.....how seldom we hear of men being vulnerable, and yet as friends, sisters, or mothers and grandmothers we know, males are just as vulnerable as females.....

This evening, our daughter who is a school teacher, told me about a young male who hung himself early this morning, next to the day care center by her school......

smile, do you think it's harder for men because they have a hard time sharing their emotions? I think women will at least begin sharing their sad thoguhts with a sister or friend. I think guys keep it all in. Can you imagine a guy telling his friend that he's been feeling sad lately?

I printed off that information, Smile. It worries me a bit that hubby has several of those symptoms, although they could be explained away by other things (he's having problems controlling his diabetes right now, and beginning to experience new problems with his Paget's disease). Still, this info will help me to keep a closer eye on him from that possible perspective, which I would never have thought about (and me being an "expert" at being depressed! LOL)

Illness can be a serious trigger for depression in both men and women. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer 7 years ago, he got so depressed I was concerned for his safety. I don't think he would have gone for counselling if I hadn't pushed him, and we probably wouldn't be together now if he hadn't.

Many men don't want to admit they need help because they see it as a sign of weakness. It's actually a sign of strength, but it's hard to convince someone of that.

Dotsie, I do think men hold their feelings in more than women. It simply does not fit the masculine image to discuss feelings.

The incidence of suicide among males is much higher than among females, though females attempt much more often. Attempting may be a cry for help for women. Men though seem unable to ask for help or accept it in any form.

I also believe physical illness and incapacitation is harder on men than on women. My Dad died at 83, but he began to decline about 3 years earlier when a young man grabbed a thousand dollars out of his hands and ran away. He simply out ran my Dad. My Dad was in good shape for 80, but it hurt him to know he was not as physically fit as he had once been. The robbery damaged his trust and being out run damanged his self image. His health began to decline almost immediately.

I think this is a difficult time for men as well as women. Expectations are changing. Now they are expected to be both sensitive and tough. They have a huge amount of responsibility and are expected to never complain, never show pain, never cry. As women we may say it's okay for men to cry and even encourage it, but still we are very uncomfortable if they do. There are probably as many good men as good women. Although I know some may not be good people, maybe we should all make it a point to look for the good in them and respect them for what they face and the good they do.
smile

[ December 07, 2005, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

I think the most damaging sentence ever said in this universe to very small boys is that:

BIG BOYS - DON'T CRY.....

Imagine having to live up to that with all the ugliness and disappointment in the world they experience while growing up...

[ December 06, 2005, 08:20 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

As y'all know, I've been single a long time and dated quite a bit. Many guys had just come out of a divorce and they all say the same thing, " I'm okay, we weren't together for years anyway, yada yada yada. For years I actually believed them. But too many times I had to sit a guy down and tell him to go get help. It was very harmful to me. Men just can't stand to be alone and have to go out immediately and find someone. I use the one year rule - and usually that isn't enough time for a man to recover from divorce.

Daisygirl

smile, your post reminded me of a couple good books:

The Bitch in the House
The Bastard on the Couch.

I highly recommend both of them.

What made me think of them was your comment about things changing for men. In the bastard book the guys mention the fact that so much is expected of them in a marriage these days. They grew up in homes with fathers who were very typical of the greatest generation. They provided for thier families, but didn't spend too much time with them. That was their role model. Now men are expected to work, take care of the kids (physically and emotionally), clean, food shop, etc. Imagine that. Sound familiar?

Anyway, my point is that some men say they haven't been prepared for this new way of touchy, feely, maternal way of life. While our generation of women where charging ahead in the work place, they weren't making changes to keep up with us on the home front.