Lynnie, I tried to PM and email you, but couldn't get through. I'd like to clarify something, but not here. Could you email me when you get a chance? (it may have changed - the correct one is on my website)

Hi Von, Dotsie, Eagle, thank you for your responses. What I like about the American health care system is the availablility of doctors: I got an appointment for Wed 9/13 with my internist. What I don't like about the American health care system is this: I went to the agency where I volunteer as a victim advocate; the agency is dedicated to victims of DV & SA. I talked to the most senior counselor there. Her name happens to be Karen, coincidentally the name I used for the counselor in my book! Today I was telling her that grief over my nephew's death has been the catalyst for me spinning out of control. My other baggage is weighing me down. She asked me if I had insurance to pay! GRRR. So, I will take Von's suggestion and see if therapy is available via insurance, but I don't think so. These days I am more likely to interview a therapist to see if she is right for me. I am so reluctant to go into therapy again. Von, are you still taking those medications? I did not know that Wellbutrin & Cymbalta could be taken together. I guess I'll find out Wed. I do feel better that you all have reached out to me. L, L

Hi Dotsie, being with my family is as entertaining as me being a nurse on the psych ward, they are the patients, and I'm trying to get them to concentrate long enough for a recreational game of bingo. It's too hard to assemble the inmates! Someone is always wandering off literally or mentally. Fortunately, I know who I am and what I'm doing, even if they don't. I don't ever ask for prayers because life is too horried for others. But I'll take them, much like a rain shower I didn't ask for but came like mercy on a hot day in summer on the desert. You are so sweet. L

Lynnie, are there any group therapy type settings where you live. I would think they might be less expensive. Look through your local papers to see what's out there. You may even be able to find a free group that meets on a regular basis at a church. Thoughts?

Lynnie, the med for Migraine prevention was Topomax. I have a big, unused script in my drawer.

Yes, was weaned off the Cymbalta and went downhill fast. I struggled with it like mad as I didn't want to go back on any meds. Hated to get out of bed and would take long naps and the hub was getting concerned. I saw no hope or joy in anything.

My OCD shrink told me, "You're trying to treat a neurological problem with logic and it isn't going to work." He sent me to my medical doctor and we sat there and investigated meds that helped with depression and OCD and the name, Effexor, kept popping up. So I relented and went on it. It gave me headaches for the first week but I hung in there and they stopped. Lynnie, I've never felt better! They have tried me on so many things and they numbed me out and didn't help the OCD one bit. I feel like a new woman now. Hope this helps.

Maybe you could join a grief support group.

Wow, Dianne, that's excellent that you've never felt better! I'm so glad for you! I've been off and on Topomax. I am currently off of it and refuse to go back on. It did help me a lot during chemo when the chemo caused more migraines than usual, if that is possible. I tried it recently after my nephew's death for a new crop of migraines. But I got myself off of it. I won't go back on it because I want fewer meds, not more. So glad you got help! Thanks for all your thoughts.

Hi Lynnie,

I'm glad to hear you were able to get into your doctor so quickly. Yes, I'm still taking all those meds. Sometimes I feel like a drug addict but I cut down on them a while back and after about two weeks I knew I couldn't do it. I take cymbalta in the morning and wellbrutrin at night and take the buspar (anti-anxiety) both morning and night. The only problem I have with cymbalta is it can be constipating so lots of water and fiber if you decide to try it.

As far as counseling - i know what you mean about getting one that takes your insurance. I talked to one on the phone who wasn't that I really liked just from our conversation only she charged $150 an hour. I would have figured out some way to go to her if I didn't have the ins. option but luckily I found a 50+ woman on the list (didn't want a guy or a youngster). I was very skeptical when I arrived at my first appt. but she's turned out to be great. At the end of the first visit I had the urge to hug her but thought better of it but then she reached out and hugged me. That sold me.

I hope you can find somebody that will be a good fit for you as well and it won't cost you an arm and a leg.

I'll check the forum tomorrow night. I wish you well with the doctor.

Take care.

Lynnie, how about Dianne's suggestion of a grief support group? I think that's a good one.

As far as the medicine goes, taking less is only helpful if it makes you feel better. If you could take one more that would make all the difference in the world, why not?

Hi, and thank you for all your responses. I scared myself by slipping into suicide ideation like that! I'll be starting on Cymbalta, which may help to alleviate symtoms of Fibromyalgia as well, including aches & pains. here's the irony of grief support groups: I used to facilitate them as a social worker: writing the curriculum, gathering the group, etc. It's so easy for me to listen to others and I tend to ignore my own needs in group. But I will see what is available instead of making excuses. Von, I am glad you found a counselor! That's amazing.

Hi Lynnie,

Your message sounds more upbeat tonite - that's a good sign.

Good luck with the Cymbalta, it should bring up your mood. It's been great for me, other than the setback I had when my son got into trouble, but I think I would have been 100 times worse had I not been on it. And, after only three sessions with the counselor I feel I'm on the right track again. At my next session we're going to work on relaxation techniques that will hopefully lessen my tension headaches.

You mentioned you used to facilitate support groups. My sweetie constantly tells me I'm a much better friend to everybody else than I am to myself. It sounds like you are too.

You seem to be heading in the right direction, Lynnie, keep up the good work - and - maybe both of us should try being a friend to ourselves.