For years, Christmas was the most stressful time of the year for our family. My m-i-l always had unreasonable expectations of a picture-book family Christmas. WHen this never seemed to happen -- NOTHING ever lives up to her expectations -- she did her level best to make everyone else miserable. For years we suffered through the family squbbles and some really ugly scenes.

Two years ago I said, "Enough already." So my husband and son and I packed up and went to visit my daughter in NY, our excuse being that she couldn't come home because of her work schedule. It was the best holiday we'd had in years, although admittedly a little strange. On Christmas morning we had a late breakfast at what seemed to be the only diner open on Long Island. Then we went to the movies, because the kids wanted to do that. Our dinner was take-out Chinese, because the kids had planned to cook for us but forgot to go food shopping. Oh, well, that was what they said, anyway.

We had such a good time we decided to do it again the next year. Unfortunately, we spent that Christmas running between my husband's hospital bed and my mother's. We could only celebrate after we knew both of them were going to be all right, which wasn't until long after the holidays were over.

This year, God willing, the 4 of us will be together in NY again. Chuck's family accepts this, although I don't think they have a clue why we don't want to be with them.

As for cards, I send some. But I've cut way back. We have a couple of Christmas parties we go to every year that we really enjoy.

For years the holidays were one of the biggest stressors in my life. It feels wonderful that they no longer are.