WW, it might be age related but I think it's just we're old enough now to have:

Been there
Done that
Seen that, too.

We don't fall for guilt trips any more because we recognize them for what they are; they stink!

That's one of the criteria I use to help me decide. If I feel like someone's trying to shame me or guilt me into doing something - then I'll say NO automatically - regardless.....
If I want to I will; if I don't, I won't. If you try to 'trip' me into anything - - then for sure I won't!!
My 2 cents.

Whirlwind and Unique....AMEN to that, at any age..

I'm very sorry you have gone through this with your friend. Has she made contact with you recently? It's very interesting for me to hear this kind of story from your side of the fence because, I have not received any other insight into a personal situation that, in some ways, is similar.

Your friend sounds like she has no clue as to why you've withdrawn your friendship and is trying different tactics to get a response out of you. Wrong though it may be how she has conducted herself, she's scraping the barrel. Pretty soon, she will give up but I'd like to bet, that despite how she's hurt you, she's now feeling hurt herself and completely bewildered as to why you're no longer communicating with her.

I know another respondant said it's not nice hearing unpleasant things about yourself, so telling your friend of how she has incurred your displeasure is unwise. On the other hand, how is your friend supposed to learn from this if she has no idea what she has done/said wrong? Friends, ideally, should be able to address issues with each other with the goal of helping each other to become their best selves. Ignoring people, I feel, is counter productive and only creates unnecessary pain.

I am speaking from experience. Six years into a friendship, my friend drastically reduced responding to my communications. I’m talking like what was a letter a month, plus emails, IMs and text messages, went down to a letter a year and nothing else.

Concerned, I asked if something was wrong = silence.
I asked again = more silence.
I asked again = Denial that anything was wrong then subsequent silence.
More communications from myself = silence.
I asked again if something was wrong = Denial and annoyance that I asked the question more than once (like I should have known from the silence that everything was ok - ??? - actions speak louder than words).
I tried giving her space = silence.
I tried regular contact but was always afraid she felt I was harassing her = silence.

Yes, I've taken the hint that she no longer wants a friendship. Silence - what a cowardly way to go about it? Not only that, she has no intention of resolving what was wrong because she doesn't even want to discuss it, perhaps afraid of confrontation?

I have absolutely no idea what I have done/said to cause her to withdraw from our friendship. It's sad that she hasn't given me the opportunity to correct whatever wrong I've caused her and, in the least to apoligise and be sincere about it.

I have wanted to ask her, finally, if she wants me to stop communicating with her. I see there's no point anymore in my asking what's wrong since silence is her only response. I know she wants me to ‘go away quietly’ but, at the same time, I need her to tell me that. I don’t mind-read by default.

I'm deeply hurt that our friendship has ended like this and I've got to come to terms with its ending without understanding why. That is very difficult.

I miss her.

Thank you for reading.
Itza

Itza, you present some very valid points. I've not heard from her since the email mentioned above. I know, from previous conversations with her, that I'm not the only one who stopped communicating with her. Others dropped her as well. Maybe I should explain but I'm not certain I want to bring back this supposed friendship. She was always trying to get me to ask my husband to invest in one of her many money making schemes and when I did call her during my visits back home, I'd ask her to lunch and she would insist that I didn't bring my daughters with me. Nope, now that I write this, I don't think I'm going to respond. I'll just let sleeping dogs lie. But I do appreciate your thoughts.

Every situation is different. My own kid sister whom I stuck by all of her life and gave money to and helped put through school stopped talking to me and and wouldn't even answer phone calls, letters or even the door when I drove up to Colorado to see her and find out the problem was....I left and haven't seen or heard from her for years now. She was a spoiled selfish child and she stopped talking to or seeing my mother years earlier. I would not go along with that nonsense and told her she was wrong. No matter what our mother said or did, she was our mother and deserved obedience and respect no matter how old we were. I truly believe and live that and I think she took it to mean I was against her. Stupid and useless all this pettyness but looks like its going to be this way no matter what. Itza sometimes its so hard to just walk away but like in Diannes case and mine, its the best thing to do.

I have known those types of people and sometimes it seems as if they are striking out from the pain of loneliness. They seem to be forcing everyone away from them, and yet they also seem desperately lonely. Loneliness can be so painful as to lead to desperation and desperate people cannot be trusted.

Still, most times I must refuse to allow myself to be abused for the loneliness they have inflicted upon themselves. Sometimes they come to their senses. Sometimes not.
smile

If people were backing away from you, wouldn't you begin to inwardly question that maybe it was you? If she had sent me a nice email asking me what was wrong I would have probably just continued having some kind of relationship with her but like most of our phone conversations, she was insulting. I think life is just too short to spend time with insulting, know it all people.