Hello, this is my first time posting on this website. I'm a 53 year old work-at-home mother whose 18 year old daughter has just moved out to live with her boyfriend. It's been really difficult for me because she has cut off contact pretty much. I keep asking myself what I have done wrong because I thought I was a pretty good mom. I'm trying to give her room though which seems best since she won't answer my phone calls. I am an animal lover, too (7 dogs and 5 cats) and live on 9 acres in the middle of nowhere, Westmoreland, Tennessee. It's nice here but very isolated and I am feeling very lonely now that my daughter is gone. My husband tries to understand but he's gone out in the world all day while I sit in front of my computer doing medical transcription. My problems seem so small compared to the folks in the gulf that I'm almost ashamed to complain. If anyone has any good advice on dealing with this pain though, I sure would appreciate hearing it.

Hello morethanamom. Welcome to BWS. There are many women here who are generous and willing to lend an ear. Give yourself time to settle in and enjoy the board.

I love your name, Morethanamom! Great choice, because you ARE more than a mom. I'm really sorry for your pain, it must hurt to watch your daughter leave in that way. I hope she calls you soon. And in the meantime, I hope you find some solace and good companionship here. It's a warm place to be, and a caring bunch of women to be with. And when one of us hurts, we all do care. The pain in the gulf is devastating, but your pain also needs looking after, so welcome in, nestle your lonely soul into our midst and make yourself at home.

Hi, it's really hard when your babies decide to leave home. Of course out of 5 adult children 4 of mine are still home.
Last year our baby girl 19 at the time, decided she was total mature and needed to move in with her boyfriend.
What a misfit he was, you couldn't tell her one thing. She was in love, or so she thought.
Broke her poor daddy heart, cause she told all her friends we had kicked her out.
Not to mention her being daddy's girl.
All her brothers talked to her, her sister...all to deaf ears.
Took less than 2 weeks before she came home.
Sometimes, it's the life lessons. Doesn't make it any easier on your heart strings.
Pray she contacts you soon, & lets you know just how much she loves you.
It's never easy for a mama to turn lose. Just ask me.
Welcome, you'll love it here.

Brenda

Welcome! You'll find that many of us have been through similiar situations. As encouragement, let me say my daughter left home at 18, too. It took a while, but she is now married to a great guy, with one child and another on the way. And the best part? We've gone from barely speaking to each other to being able to say we're truly one of each other's best friends.
Give it time. Surround yourself with friends (even if they are virtual friends.) You'll find lots of love and support on BWS. Please allow us to welcome you and comfort you as you pass through this painful part of your life.

Thank you all, ladies, for the wonderful words of encouragement and support. My daughter did call me last night and told me she loved me. May not hear from her again for a while but that really made me feel better. Going to leave her alone, concentrate on doing things I enjoy and making a better life for my husband and me.

This is a great forum and I intend to revisit. Thanks again.

morethanamom, I'm glad you heard form her. AND, she told you she loved you. Accept that with ann open heart. I know you do.

I think the heardest part of having kids leave home is the loneliness and loss of daily interaction. My prayer is that you will give her the space she needs at this point in time. She won't always need it. Remember that.

Also, your mention of doing things and making a bett life for you and your husband is perfect. What are some of the things you like to do? How are you going to make this happen?

Please don't feel alone. I have sent one son to college, and if the other two stay on track this year, they will both leave for college next fall. I hope I'm not crying in the forums, but...advanced warning...I may be.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Welcome. I live in TN too!

It's just a shift. Kids do these things because they are trying to figure out their own lives and might actually do it by 25 or 30! Sometimes, I hear from my daughter in AZ every day and sometimes a week or more will go by without a call.

Sounds like you have the right attitude though. So glad you found us!

I just thought I share this with you morethanamom and all of you empty nesters out there, I found this in a book:

"How did you let your child go? It was the most
impossible thing in the world. But...you don't
really have a choice. They don't belong to you,
your children, they never did. They are entrusted
to you for a short time. You do your best, you protect them wisely. If they change their names, you asked them what they want to be called. If they want to go sailing, you help them find the wind."

Cecelia, Thanks for the reminder that our kids belong to God first! That's comforting.

Dear Morethanamom

My son left home for a year when he was nineteen and moved to the next province. When that year was up, he high tailed it back to the family. Sometimes kids have to get a taste of the real world, not the insulated existence they've had with regard to the financial side of life.

The real world tends to make kids see differently. They understand and start to see their world differently along with seeing the world differently. When that happens they automatically start seeing their families differently and valuing the security, not just the financial aspect but the emotional security they received from home.

I hope you enjoy the ladies on the board, I do very much!

With care
Leigha

I think they get a taste of what it takes to maintain a residence, then they can appreciate what it takes to make a "home".

My oldest is moving out this weekend. I still have one more at home but I think I am already feeling a bit of the empty nest. I know at 22 he should be out on his own but I know I'm going to miss him terribly!

TVC, I'll be thinking of you and sending warm thoughts and prayers your way. Once a mom, always a mom!

The thing to think about is that you raised them to be independent. Then when they are, like me, you say, why are they acting like that? Well, they are following the natural process of life and the way you probably taught them. At least I know I taught my 3 sons to be independent. Now, when I don't hear from them for a while, I ask myself, "Did YOU have to do SUCH a good job"? But, men are usually not the nurturers of the family, and that is what I raised a family of men! LOL I tried to teach them different! But, they went and got great wives that wait on them, I taught them better! LOL Really I did!

Dear TVC

He'll always be in your heart! Take care and remember he loves you.

With love
Leigha