Wow - this is a wonderful site for women! Within 5 minutes I received answers, especially the one from jaw jaw. You hit it on the nose that my jealousy stems from fear of abandonment. My father left when I was 2 years old and never tried to contact me. He died when I was 14. Meanwhile my mother remarried and I was just his stepdaughter, and not his favorite one either. They divorced when I was 17 and since everyone always said I'm 'exactly like mom' it felt like he divorced me too.

I really like what jaw jaw said about facing it and reprogramming my mind to overcome my jealousy instead of letting it control me. I also like the fact that I can show appreciation and uplift the "object of my jealousy" and in so doing overcome my own problem. Very wise advice and I intend to try it next time.

I also did something else that was very helpful to me. I let my boyfriend in on how I feel and on the emotional needs I have, telling him that I was not the cherished daughter of my father, nor was I the treasured wife in my first marriage so naturally I am insecure - but only insecure in the area of him. I told him that I need more reassurance than he might think I do and made sure he knew what he was signing up for.

It would be perhaps easier for me to cut this part of my life off and skip being involved with a man, since it only comes up when I'm in relationship with someone special like I am today. However, that seems less acceptable than working through it. Thank you, especially jaw jaw, for giving me some really concrete tools to help me address this crippling problem. I don't want my ministry to be weakened by this problem and now I feel like I have an important tool at my side to help me.