She's apologized for the letter; her excuse..."you know I've always been dramatic, Mom...." - I have to let it go, but, judge me as you will, I know I will never forget it, and it has probably put a permanent scar on my emotional being - words said, and especially words written, cannot be 'sucked back in'... I'll always be somewhat on guard with her now. But my love for her is the same as always, and her little son is so precious to me.

My son, on the other hand, is compassionate, caring, warm (he was a nightmare as a teenager! No drugs or alcohol or anything - but a mouth! And a temper! Unbelievable!) He is the one who called my daughter and told her how wrong and hurtful her letter had been....but I'm not supposed to know that.

I suppose all of this, combined with my 'last life' (see 'letting go of the 'ex) - and losing my Dad (I'm an only child) - and moving to a new state with a new husband....I am still somewhat in the Twilight Zone but I'm determined to keep my sense of humor and make my present life good for everyone around me!

Yes, I can sense you are very, very strong inside and will prevail in every way. I know all about 'former lives' - I used to be a violiist with the Metropolitan Opera until I injured my hands in a car accident. We humans, especially the female kind, are incredibly resilient and adaptable. So your strength will serve you well, and you will gradually forgive your daughter (even if you can't really forget the hurt); because as mothers we must be superhumanly understanding of our children. How wonderful that your son stuck up for you. Family relationships are always evolving. And parenthood is simply the most difficult job in the world.

Hang in there!

Erica

Stacy
I had my first dtr.(40 yrs old)at 18. Honeymoon baby!
I have to disagree with you on your saying that since your mom was 17 when she gave birth to you "might be a lot of your problem."
When my dtr. tried to pull every trick in the book when she was a teenager, it just didn't work(most of the time)because I was young enough to remember all the stuff I pulled, and got away with it. That's another story!
Her younger sister learned that she wouldn't get away with anything by watching what went on between myself and her big sister.
I'm a very lucky mother that has two beautiful dtrs. who turned out to be pretty darn good girls.
Of course, they both have their problems. What kids don't.
BUT...one of these days, you mother will get to a time in her life where she will want you to be with her, either to be just to talk to, or to help take care of her, and I hope you will be able to be there for her.
It's so sad that you can't have a good relationship with your mom, but you can go on to be a great person on your own.
Good luck to you Stacy!
Lynne

To Dotsie...Yes, I call my mom every couple of weeks to catch up on things.

To LSmith.....my relationship with my mom is good, so no reason to be sad for me. I am a great person regardless of my stuff with her.

The saddest part of it all is how she was raised. Her mom abused alcohol and gave birth to my mother very late in her life (12 years after her first two). My grandma and her husband would leave my mom in the car while they went to bars to drink. I know there is a lot more that happened that she has chosen not to share with me.

I know she did the best she could to raise me and my younger sister while having my Dad as her unsupportive husband. We had a good life....better than most, I'm sure. There are regrets, though. Since I'm older, I understand more of why things happened the way they did.

My mom wasn't "equipped" with the necessary tools by her mother and therefore didn't have much to go by with us.

Blah Blah

Like I said originally, I wish my mom could show more compassion towards me. Really focus on my feelings when I'm down and need advice....like June Cleaver would have.
Instead, she's very protective and defensive of herself and blames herself for my issues?

I work very hard to love her for who she is AND for who she's not. To me, it seems like it shouldn't be this much work?

Maybe like marriage, it is a lot of work?