Dotsie,

I am so filled that you understood me. My God, or Harietta as I call Her is not a punishing God either. This is how I figure : if I, as a mere mortal, would not bring pain or sadness to another on purpose, then Harietta in all Her wisdom of the universe, would surely do no less than I. So She is incapable of inflicting harm on anyone or thing. Therefore, anything other than peace, joy, health and happiness comes not from Her, but from the earth itself....Some call this Satan. I call it nature.

Wolves eat bunnies. Spiders eat flies. Beautiful plants wither and die in the glory of the sun. Just because.......This is our earth. Not to say that I am "fatalistic" - I believe we can change many things - but rarely by violence - or at least if through violence, for long. The root of the problem will always surface - if not today, then tomorrow. And tomorrow is almost always worse. For left unattended, we as humans THINK (or think we do), and while thinking, we tend to escalate the problem.

Dots, I too, only wanted a family for my life. Happy, loving, learning, giving family. Father, Mother, and children. Paradise. But paradise is elusive and comes to so few...Paradise is to be made as best it can be, I believe, through hard work, diligence, and perseverence.....emotional, spiritual, and physical. None of us just gets to "sail" through.......Not even royalty - Kennedy s, the Windsors, and say Oprah is only able to give what she now does through personal struggle (even if some have problems with her methods).......

Your thoughts are , nor ever have been , silly Dotsie. Nor pompous. Just human...But as you know now, I believe our journey is to get beyond just human - or at least human as we know it to be today.....Consider the Middle EAst. The hate that has endured for so very long - can Israel and Palestine find a way? I hope so. I BELIEVE this will happen - and in our lifetime. So all can be made better - if not "fixed"....

It's not just your God that provided for you , in my thoughts, but your own ability to alter your ideas, to adapt, and to solve your own dilemma. Harietta gave you those abilities and you used them. Now , you have your babies - your own AND ones whose spirits chose your house to enter......From what I have heard, all will be blessed...Tho' as I know, never to be free from life's life.

Hearing You,

Searcher

Searcher, your posts are both beautiful and wise. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you, Meredith- but I consider this place a gift to me and to all - a place where I am able to express myself, heal myself with help from you all. A place to just be a part of a community of women....So I am the one who is grateful.

Searcher, I just want to echo Meredith. Your posts ARE so beautiful and wise. Dotsie said something in another post about how God/Harietta softens our wounds into wisdom (sorry, Dotsie, I know I didn't quote you correctly). I love that imagery, it speaks such tender care and compassion for our very real human anguish.

I can really see it in you, how you've chosen to allow the unspeakable agony of losing your daughter (after watching her suffer for so many years) to become an instrument of compassionate healing and gentle wisdom instead of a bitter negation of anything good emerging from that darkness.

You've really touched my heart and soul in ways you'll probably never know. Thank you.

Dotsie, all I can think of when you say that is this: God loved those children so much that He gave them to you knowing you would love and nurture them in return.

Many women are mothers by name only. It's not a given than when a woman gives birth she will automatically be a good mother.

Eagle,

You have touched my heart also. We are bound by certain things in our lives...I will never forget you.

Yes. There are footprints on my heart.

Lady - You are right. It took me many years to understand this...But Dotsie was chosen by those children's spirits. I truly believe this now. And each of us are chosen in our own giftedness, to contribute to our world with our own very individual talents. Nichole had hers, I have mine, and Sam surely has his.......

Happy Season

Searcher

I, also, often say this, "I'm a mother, I just never had any children". That shocks people as well.

Heck, we have FIVE dogs and I mother them pretty often.

Perfect, Di. Just perfect.

My daughter and I were discussing something like this just a little while ago. Some people are nuturers, others are not. I've never been sure this is something that can be learned.

Years ago, we used to say, "Some people are mothers. Others just have babies." I still believe that to a certain extent.