Hi Everyone,

I was never able to have kids, , am 48, married to a wonderful man who has kids (not living at home).

Wondering if there are anymore like me!

Glad to find you all!! I am in the Southwest part of the country.

Hi Di,

Welcome to the BWS...know you will enjoy yourself here. So pull and your chair relax and enjoy the conversation.
Like you I am married to a wonderful man, my second marriage by the way, (21 years the 1st of Sept).
Have you ever thought about adoption?

I am 56. I never had children either. I wasn't even really around when my sister's and brother's children were growing up. I, however, am not married currently. I was married for 20 years the first time and 10 the second. Currently I live with two cats

Anyhow, welcome to the "site". I'm new too.

Southwest - would that be Arizona?

Hi Di, Yes! We're hard to find, but there are more of us like you out here. I had always wanted lots of children, a dozen in fact, two of my own and the rest I wanted to adopt...and I always wanted to adopt kids that nobody else wanted. It was such a passionate dream of mine that I spent the first part of my life dawdling and doing nothing constructive, because I figured I didn't need to since I was going to get married and have those kids to look after.

Suddenly I was in my mid-thirties and, well, no husband on the distant horizon, much less a child. And no money to adopt. And a history of depression which I figured would render me disqualified for adoption. So I gave up on that dream, and started to think about joining a convent (I'm serious). Just when I was about to send out the SERIOUS letters of application, my future husband walked into my life.

I'm his second wife, he has two grown children and was not really interested in having more...by this time he was 52 (and "fixed") and I was 47. So my dreams of having children never happened. But being childless allows me to heap lots of love and attention on other people's kids, like hubby's granddaughter who I adore, hubby's "adopted" grandson, my three nieces and about six various other children I've known since before they were even born.

Sometimes it saddens me, especially when people talk about a "mother's heart"...I always wanted one of those, and I don't think you can get one without being a mother. Or when I think about growing old and wondering who's going to come and visit me in the nursing home.

But I've had plenty of time to accept that this is how my life worked out...I've gotten to travel a lot and met a lot of people and done a lot of things I wouldn't have if I'd had those dozen kids. Not exactly a fair trade-off, but it will have to do, won't it!

Anyway, as you can see, I'm long-winded, although trying to remedy that, despite what you see here! LOL. Welcome to this place, and I hope you make yourself at home. Maybe we can compare notes about being childless mothers. Not too many people understand the empty feeling.

[ November 15, 2005, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Wow! I'm so glad that I have found at least three more of us!

If it's ok, I'll answer/comment in general instead of to individual questions:

We are in Southern NM

Adoption was a "passing thought" once, but I was single. So I prayed for a man with children!

We live with five dogs presently. They are our wonderful furkids!

Right, not many truly understand the emptiness of being childless (not by choice) which is why my thread topic was such that it is. I have nothing in common with mothers or grandmothers, so I try to find those of the same ilk. To be honest, I feel left out of most conversations anymore, so I'm pretty much a loner...except for my wonderful DH!!

I, too, wonder about old age. But God only knows what will be in store. I can't worry as tomorrow will "worry about itself".

Glad to see you wrote a book, Eagle. Do you mention childlessness in it as well? It think it could greatly reach those of us who are.

Can't wait to meet new friends!

Di, welcome! It's good to have more southwesterners. I was a noreaster for 45 years, been in CO for almost a year. You will love it here, I'm sure.

Eagle, despite what you think, you DO have a mother's heart. Spiritual children count, ask a priest!

Thank you for saying that, Bluebird! How I have yearned to learn how to love in the way that only mothers seem to be able to love.

Di, I wrote somewhere else here recently about spending 8 weeks in Pecos, NM back in the 1980's...loved it there!

I hear you about feeling left out of most conversations. Especially now that most of my peers are grandmothers. I "inherited" a granddaughter through my husband's son, and I love that child so dearly. But I don't always feel like I can join in the conversations about children and grandchildren.

Being here is different, though. There's such a diversity of experience and there are enough discussions and infinite possibility that everyone can get involved somewhere here. It's made a huge healing difference in my life, and hopefully you'll find it a good place to hang out as well.

Hi Di and all the newbies!

Welcome to this forum!

You are not too far from me.....I live in Arizona.

Flew to Seattle last weekend to attend a wedding and lord n behold, caught a cold. Grrrrrr

Seattle was beautiful! Rained alot.....but we loved it!

Teresa

Eagle Heart, Bluebird, Di, Morningbelle and any other childless women out there, I don't want to make light of the Mothers heart senario here but it is after all "only an expression"....A heart thats filled with love and gives it freely is exactly the same whether that love is being given to a husband, an extended family, strangers in need, the less fortunate and yes even our precious animal babies...I am a Mother, twice but if only once I would be in a pickle as my youngest son was lost to me 11 years ago from drugs, he's out in this world somewhere but only God knows where. A heart is a heart is a heart, and a kind heart is the same no matter who its aimed at. My heart is as full of love for my animal family as for my people family. For anyone to say or believe your love is any different than a mothers love is totally ridiculous. There is no distinction ladies, love is love any way you slice it.....

[ November 15, 2005, 06:45 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Thank you, Chatty lady. That is a lovely analogy. I'm sorry about your son.