I must admit Chatty, I too didn't understand the tsk, tsk, comment. I'm sure it wasn't meant in a bad way but could you explain it?

flipperjo your writings are so beautiful and touch the heart. Are you a professional writer, if not you should be.

Wow, Flipperjo. I feel honored that you've included your writings in my welcome thread! I have a most appropriate place to put it! And I will honor your complete name!

(((HUGS)))

Diane

JoAnne, yes, thank you for your post. It was beautiful. Nancy G., you, too.

As for this thread...I'm troubled by the term "barren". It's so negative and dramatic. That's not what bothers me the most though. It bothers me because it's not true at all.

If you are a creative woman (and we all are), you are not barren. I have found over the years that the more I create, the more I find similarities to the way it felt to create life. I feel like I'm giving birth again whenever I create a Halloween costume or rearrange the furniture or add some flourishes to the decor in the kitchen.

When I spend 20 hours a week at the local little league fields creating a baseball experience for the community, I'm giving birth. When I spend 2 days straight writing a grant to get new fences, I've given birth to a thought that became a reality. That creative impulse is the SAME impulse as giving birth. It's simply a matter of degree.

Barren is such a harsh word. I have children and grandchildren, and they are more important than anything else I create. But those other things are uniquely mine, and only I could have done them in that particular way. And they are evidence of my total and utter lack of barrenness.

Those of you without children from your womb...you're not barren. There is evidence of your creativity all through your life. Embrace that. Tell yourself--see what I did? I created that. Brag about it the way people brag about their children. It's not wrong to point out what you've created. That's exactly what people are doing when they talk about their children.

NMY

Di, I'm joining this thread WAY WAY late, but to address the question you asked initially - I am 58 yrs. old and have never had children. At first that was a choice, then a surgery (which was NOT by choice!) made it impossible to have children. By the time I considered adoption, I was separated then divorced and by the time I re-married I was just plain no longer interested! I love children and involve myself with them (including my nieces and nephews) whenever I can.....As a writer I am active in young writers' mentoring programs and love the enthusiasm of these talented kids.

I did have to go through a period in my life when my contemporaries would ask "when are you going to have kids?" and "why haven't you had kids yet?" But that eventually stopped. I've always had cats in my life though and they have been my children - my "mothering" outlet. I also "mother" in my gardens. Taking care and nurturing the plants is another great outlet.

Anyway - just wanted to welcome you here and after reading through all the previous posts here, I see there are several of us who for one reason or another didn't have children "of our own body"....but have been "mothers" nonetheless.

NMY,

Allow me to explain my "barren" term. I use it ONLY to describe my physical situation. Think of barren land. It cannot produce "seed". It has no nutrients to help it grow. My body does not have ANY ground.....no tubes, ovaries, womb.

Hence, I "know" I do not have a barren life....by any means. Again, I use it to get people to understand (when those comments come as many of you know) that I do NOT have anything to "grow seed". I chose this wisely PLUS, for the Christians here, the "barren woman" is a biblical term. Psalm 113:9 says, "He grants the barren woman a home LIKE a joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord!"

Barren: infertile, unproductive, sterile

I have no problem using this to describe my reproductive circumstance. I really AM ok with this choice!

[ November 17, 2005, 11:57 AM: Message edited by: Di ]

Hi Everyone
I too do not have Kids of my own but I have three wonderful grown Step Children and two grandchildren. I love them as my own and they love me too.

The kids were grown when my Husband and I married but the grandchildren came along after we married. I took care of my grand daughter when she was a baby until she started school. She is now 10 years old. I also had the opportunity to spend time with my second grand daughter when she was born. She is now three years old.

I don't miss having children of my own because I have been adopted by my step children and that makes me very happy.

My youngest step son decided to move from New Jersey with his wife to North Carolina where my Husband and I live. They have a beautiful home that we renovated for them.

For me being a Stepmom is just as good as being a Mom.

I'm joining this thread really late, but wanted to say how touched I've been by the beautifully written, wonderful support you've all shown here. It makes me feel honored to be part of this group.

Di, I have two children. but did not have the first until we were married seven years. We did this by choice, but it wasn't something we talked about to other people. You'd be amazed at the insensitive questions and comments we got from a lot of people, including my husband's mother.

I wouldn't give my kids for anything, but I had a rich full life before they were born. And I know I could continued to have one had our choice been different or had it tutned out there was no child in our future.

Please, don't feel left out when people brag about their kids. I do it as much if not more than anyone I know. But I don't do it with people I know will be hurt by it. I don't know anyone who would do that!

Just my thoughts.

You are a rare breed,Jackie. IE:

quote:

---

I do it as much if not more than anyone I know. But I don't do it with people I know will be hurt by it. I don't know anyone who would do that

---

There are SO MANY women who are heartless in their comments AND conversations. They go on and on about "how to make a baby", what can take their place (nothing can take the place, in my opinion, of creating a life with your husband, feeling a miracle grow inside your body, and giving life to that creation of God). All we really need is an "I'm sorry for your loss", cause it is a loss...a death of a dream.

I'm so glad you are careful about your words. Please educate other mothers in your circle. Please, please!!!

Dee Dee....

I'll be like you, soon. Sort of. DH's dauther is having grandbaby no. 1 in Feb or there abouts. The sad thing is they live too far (5 hrs). And, the mother,usually, gets first "dibs" at spending time with daughter during the birth and being right out of the hospital. DSD has already set the rules, although we are "allowed" to visit and stay in a motel. Dont' THINK so. We will just wait...the baby wont' know us in the beginning anyway.

thanks for understanding and jumping in here. We all need to stick together.