Bonny,

Seems to me that you're not to blame, but a lot of nasty dysfunctional people in your life are. As a child, you were helpless to stop the abuse so you internalized the pain and blamed yourself. In order to blame the real culprits, you would have had to think about them and what they did, and I know that was way too painful.

You're not a failure, but you're still learning and need to define yourself and life according to YOU and not any past idiots and the trauma they inflicted. I can't remember whose quote this is, but a failure isn't someone who makes mistakes; it's someone who quits trying. Don't give up on life.

Love your child and grandchildren. Learn to love yourself. Don't worry about having a man in your life. Being married is no indicator of success.

Smilinize, I love your attitude!