Lynn,
YOu have a good point . I am never too busy for a friend to call . I have a friend I went to school with who lives in Tenn. We call each other and lot alike . In fact with snowing here would be a good day to call her ..I think the older you get the more you need friends. That is what I think. At least one good one. I have that in Peggy. All now from the other gal I get baby pictures from e-mail. Delete , Delete. She knows where I am and going to move on sadly ..

Thanks for being here . for us.

Dianne, can you put your finger on why you love this friend? I believe you should work on your own project. Follow your dreams!

Nancy, her grandkids are going to be around for a long time. Hopefully she'll realize she needs girlfriends too!

Dotsie, she's vibrant, positive and has a smile that can light up any room. I guess if I asked her, there are probably things about me that bug her too, ya know?

I've been pounding out page after page of my own screenplay and put her project aside. I'm really happy with my writing. It's going well.

I finally figured something out DAH!!! My friends for the most part what is referred to as fair weather friends. So long as I am going to their homes to visit, we visit. As long as I am calling them, we talk. When together we have such fun and laugh until we cry and yet they never come to my house or rarely pick up the phone to call. I have had my best friend say, "I'm so glad you called, I was sitting here bored to death and thinking of you." So why didn't she pick up the phone? I have decided to stop being the runner and the phoner and I feel a very lonely life in my future. Most of the time I shop alone and go to movies alone and am happy to see people when I want to so haven't made a fuss over the years but I am irritated now and that's it. No come, no call, no me! That goes for my son and his family too....

Chatty, my sister and I have discussed that 'fair weather' phenomenon you mention. She was feeling very frustrated because she, too, was always the 'one'. The one to call, the one to plan, the one to travel and the one to keep in touch. I asked her why she bothered. She never did give me a good answer. I think she did it mostly out of feelings of obligation in re: to family. And you're right, it can get lonely; but I'd rather be lonely than angry from always being 'the one'. And I'd rather be lonely alone, than lonely when I'm with someone. Now THAT's the pits!

Maybe they don't realize what they're doing? You might ask them why they don't call you or come see you.

My editor and I had lunch one day and after I dropped her off at her house, I started realizing that I had just had a two hour conversation where, not once, did she ask how I was or what was going on in my life. It was about her and her marriage problems, which had been the main topic every single time we talked. So, I called her and told her and that was the end of our friendship. She refused to admit it, said she didn't want to pry into my life, which I said was just a big fat lie, she didn't care about my life. She was really angry with me. Oh well. At least I didn't have to listen to her ranting and raving anymore.

Dianne, I was reading these posts and was just wondering. Do you have a "Best Friend?" Fairweather friends are just that, as Chatty said, and are a dime a dozen.

Every woman needs the "one" that they can tell everything to and have no fear of it being pushed aside or insignificant. Am I right?

I have such a friend and we have the utmost respect for each other. She is my mentor,advisor,shoulder,gentle/firm critiquer? and be there for me anytime day or night, no matter what buddy. She encourages me to the limit and we have agreed to disagree. Oh the laughs we have shared, not to mention the sorrows. She lives a bazillion miles away but is as close as a phone call.

Right now, I have to be all things to her. I am her best friend.

Hope you are as lucky. I think you would make someone a great best friend.

chickadee

I always seem to be struggling with the friends issue. It makes me nervous.
I am reluctant to call a friend when I have a problem and some friends who I admire most do not call me with problems. I think it may be a power issue. It seems that we all want to be strong, but not tough, and needed, but not used.
Always solving the problems of others may increase our own perception of ourselves as strong, but it can exhaust us if our needs are unheard and not met.
I'm not sure I know how to reach a healthy balance.
smile

Smile, I call it 'the Don't Ask, Don't Tell Syndrome'; meaning I don't ask for help, and I don't tell people my troubles. Selfish of me, isn't it? But I think maybe quite a few people are like that -- for lots of different reasons. I "know" that no one can fix my stuff but me, so why ask? I have friends who don't tell me their problems for the same reasons *and* possibly, they see us on the outside, and we look so 'all together', they feel badly about themselves. Like man, she's so together, blah, blah, blah, I'm so messed up compared, blah, blah, blah. One thing I've learned, you can't go around comparing yourself to other people. It just doesn't get ya anywhere. I think sometimes too, people don't ask for help/advice/whatever because they think, maybe even know, what we'd say. And they just don't want to go there. I just leave my hands out for my friends, let them know wherever I am, they are welcome, for as long as they want to be there. And while they are with me, all they have to do is *BE* I'd really like to have a close by friend, but right now - - all I have is email. And selfish little bugger that I am, right now, that's enough. I can say that, cuz, 'I'm only visiting this planet'.

See, now this is one of those posts where I have lots to say, but can't get all my thoughts together to post. I WILL get back here because it interests me. Now I hope it doesn't get buried too soon.