I have a wonderful friend who has experienced great success, although it was over 20 years ago, she's still so talented.

I called her from my cell phone last night on the way to Sam's to get my RX and the entire conversation was her telling me about her latest projects and my in put was, Yeah, really, good. I didn't have to say anything except those words. The conversation lasted over 30 minutes.

She has always had an idea a minute and most of them remain ideas that are never completed. We were supposed to work on a project together but when I pressed to meet and start working on it, she suddenly stopped answering my phone calls and basically vanished. I asked her if she wanted me to do it myself and she said, "Yeah, that would probably be best." Last night she mentioned a project with another person in GA that is actually the same thing we were going to do. I'm baffled.

Do you think she's slightly manic? I've considered that she's trying to have another huge success or feels obligated to do so. Plus, I think she's trying to find a way to support herself as her youngest is going to graduate from high school and she has declared that when that happens, she's leaving her husband, who she has been very unhappy with. However, one of his main complaints with her is the idea thing that never pans out!

When we have friends, shouldn't our interests be included in conversations other than, how are you? I asked her if I had done something to hurt her, etc. and she said absolutely not! She's just been busy and had problems with her daughter. But, one week the daughter was suicidal and the next she was on anti-depressants and perfect.

Maybe she's dodging me because I want to put the peddle to the metal and actually work and finish something? I've never experienced this before.

I love her to death. She's vibrant and has a smile that lights up a room and is always very positive and giving. But, I'm so so baffled about this. Any input from you girls?

Sounds like more shimmer than substance.

Sometimes people talk big plans because it makes them feel important, but the reality is they'd rather talk than do.

She's afraid of failure, whether she admits it or not. People of inaction think they can't ever fail if they don't try. The irony is, to me she's a current failure riding on past glory.

Accept her for the entertainment factor. Don't expect much more.

Is this the friend you were complaining about a few weeks ago?

OK I know that sounded harsh, but sometimes we have to look at our friends and re-evaluate what they can -- and can't -- do in our lives and theirs.

I'm menopausal. I don't remember if I posted about her before or not. Probably though.

Maybe she feels she can never meet the great success she had before? Would that be the fear?

I don't know. I'm just going to work on another project and forget hers for right now. It's so sad because she has so much to offer.

And Meridith, you are so right. Just look at her for what she is and accept it, not expecting anything more. Thanks.

Hi Girlfriends, I think there is a common denominator for Dianne's and Nancy's friends. One friend is the idea factory without completion while the other is unable to be complete about friendships. The common denominator, in my humble view, is that each women is unable to see that she has something to offer others. Perhaps Nancy's friend can't see that she actually has value to Nancy, and Dianne's friend can't see that her ideas can benefit others. In either case, I wouldn't take it personally. I can't believe I'm saying that. I was the type of person who took it personally if a boulder fell onto a road, as if I caused it; maybe I braked too hard and made the rock fall off the cliff. But when I read "The Four Agreements" I learned not to take "it" personally. In "The Purpose Driven Life" the lessons are that whatever "it" is, it is more about the other person, and not about you. Both of you have made efforts for whole and complete friendships. Dianne, from what little I know of you, I can tell this: you are capable of taking that seed of an idea and bringing it to its highest fruition with or without another. And Nancy, perhaps your friend will come around soon. Love and Light, Lynn

Lynn, you mentioned a great book, The Four Agreements. My favorite chapter was about watching our tongue. The chapter title was, Be Impeccable With Your Word. How's that for a challenge? I am forever reading verses in the Bible about that. There are tons in Proverbs.

Everything begins with the words that roll of our tongues. Words have so much power and we splurt things out without thinking. We can use our words to build one another up, or put one another down.

My NY Resolution was to talk less which ties in with all this. Here's a perfect example of what I mean:

This morning my son said, "Wow, I only have five minutes." (to get out the door to school)

I felt like saying, "Well that's because you didn't get up the first time I woke you.

But instead...I said nothing. There's no reason to say anything. He just made a comment in a somewhat pleasant tone. I didn't have to make a point. He knows he didn't get up the first time I woke him.

Sorry, I got off the topic.

Dianne, I recall you posting about this friend before too. It was the morning you were to meet to work on the project. She has lots going on in her life right now. Gracious. To mention a few: depressed child, one going to college, unhappy marriage, uncertain future. I think she needs a good friend. You may not want to hear that, but that's what I think. Maybe a heart to heart with her will help her find direction and focus for this time in her life. Sounds like she's scrambling.

How can I be a friend to someone who only talks about upcoming projects? I listen, she talks but not about her children or anything like that. One project after another...non-stop, doesn't come up for air. Maybe I've been expecting more than she can give. Maybe this is her idea of friendship, to have a sounding board? I just love her so much. I have to interrupt her and ask about her kids. Now, she has another idea. She wants to have a spiritual retreat in Italy and wants me to start working on it with her. Well, I did that on this last project and I really put effort into it, only to be abandoned. So, I have this started piece of work that for now, has to wait.

But, maybe this is God's way of telling me to continue working on my other project, my screenplay. For now, that's what I'm doing.

I only know part of the story, but having been under extreme stress, I would say that maybe your friend is so stressed that she is unable to focus. The persistent projects may be an attempt to focus on something other than his own problems and to avoid experiencing the overwhelming emotional upheaval.
Let her find the space in which to confide if that is what she needs. Sometimes all you can do is listen.
smile

Nancy, I've decided to concentrate on true friends that are there for me all the time. I've dealt with so much dysfunction in my life, I've grown weary if something or someone attempts to pull it to me again. I can love my friend from a distance and accept her as she is and be there if she needs me. I don't know, there has to be a lesson for me in all this. Maybe you too. But, I think we need to not take it personally, like it mentions in The Four Agreements. I have a tendency to do that.

Dotsie, I would have been tempted to say the same thing to my son, only in my case it would have been my husband. The admonishments come across as criticism. My husband and I are both working on NOT adding what is not needed to a conversation, just like in your example with you son. Good example. And to Dianne and Nancy, each of your friends seems to be hiding: one is hiding behind projects, the other is hiding behind a grandchildren. What are these excuses all about? Who are they about? Them, not you. You two just keep on holding on to the friendships that work for you, the ones that don't require so much work! Love and Light, Lynn