"I was a very unpopular child," says comedian Rita Rudner. "I had only two friends. They were imaginary. And they would only play with each other.

---------------------------------------------------------

My Mary is so smart, she walked when she was eight months old," bragged one woman.
"You call that intelligent?" challenged her companion. "When my Cindy was that old, she let us carry her."

---------------------------------------------------------

A girl watched, fascinated, as her mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that?" she asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said the mother, who began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked the girl. "Giving up?"

Jabber, I love the way you brighten my day with these wonderful jokes. Thanks for continuing the effort!

Man to clerk in video store: "I'd like to exchange this
diet-and-workout tape for one on self-acceptance."

----------------------------------------------------------

"In New York City," notes comedian Jay Leno, "they're
handing out condoms to high-school students. Gee, I
thought it was a big day when I got my class ring!"

----------------------------------------------------------

At a party several young couples were discussing the
difficulties of family budgets. "I really don't want a
lot of money," said one yuppie. "I just wish we could
afford to live the way we're living now."

Good jokes as usual, I especially love the last one...

"What's your handicap these days?" one golfer asked another.
"I'm a scratch golfer....I write down all my good scores and scratch out all my bad one."

-----------------------------------------------------------

When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take chidren?" the man asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."

------------------------------------------------------------

A 70-year-old millionaire had just married a beautiful 20-year-old.
"You crafty old codger," said his friend. "How did you get such a lovely young wife?"
"Easy," the millionaire replied. "I told her I was 95."

Funny! Thanks, Jabber. I especially enjoyed this group.

A drunk guy gets on a bus, weaves his way toward the back of the bus and sits next to a nun.
Nun said, "You're going to hell for being in such awful condition."
Drunk said, "Oh No! I'm on the wrong bus."

--------------------------------------------------------------

A farm kid, caring for her cow at the county fair, sees a fly enter the cow's ear and not come out. The next day that 4-H'er is milking the same cow. And sure enough. The fly comes out in the milk.

This proves, what...? In one ear and out the udder.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Daddy is a road-worker. His son is sure daddy wouldn't steal from his job. But when the lad gets home, all the signs are there!

Husband to wife: "You're always nagging me about my golf. It's driving me mad."
Wife: "It wouldn't be a drive--just a short putt."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to their childhood, they're already there!

--------------------------------------------------------------

There's a new garlic diet around. You don't lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance!

Entertaining as usual,Jabber! Thanks for continuing to find us new jokes weekly!

Said a fisherman after removing a tiny fish from his hook and throwing it back into the water: "Don't show up around here anymore without your parents!"

-------------------------------------------------------------

The diner was furious when his steak arrived too rare. "Waiter,"
he barked, "didn't you hear me say 'well done'?
"I can't thank you enough, sir," replied the waiter. "I hardly ever get a compliment."

--------------------------------------------------------------

"What position does your brother play on the football team?"
Tom was asked.
"I'm not real sure," the boy replied, "but I think he's one of the drawbacks."