I've been waiting for you marriage advocates, to tell me where
to go with this.

Hi Jabber,

Well you are totally correct with your comments.

I recall from the five years I was divorced that this total freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted was one of the biggest perks of being single...

I recall mentioning this to a married client during that time. He'd come up with a great marketing idea that required traveling to a community 90 miles away, to attend a meeting and make a presentation. And to take advantage of it, we needed to leave within 30 minutes.

He was wheedling with me to get me to attend the meeting with him, but was apologetic over the fact that it was so spur of the moment...

Because my kids happened to be with my ex that week, the only person whose schedule I had to consult was me.

I told him this was one of the best things about being divorced, and he didn't like hearing that...

But the upshot was that we both made the trip and as a result, closed a significant deal...

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

I was single until 36...I loved the freedom, hated the loneliness, craved someone to cuddle with, but could never find anyone worth giving up all of the benefits of being single until hubby came along. After he moved in with me (and I was a devoted Christian Catholic woman very active in the church at the time!) my life changed radically. It was very difficult to watch my freedom slowly being eroded, while at the same time it was wonderful having someone to share life and love with. (original post has been changed, sorry...nervous about who can read this). Sometimes it feels like the joys have outweighed the losses, but there are other times when that freedom looks very appealing. I don't know if the loneliness would be even more pronounced now though, after so many years of enjoying the companionship and warmth of another human heart nearby.

Hi Eagle Heart,

I know what you mean. I have been married twice, for a total of 33 of my 58 years on this earth.

Marriage has loads benefits, and I am certainly not looking to leave mine.

But at my high school reunion this past summer, I found myself talking to a friend I hadn't spoken with for at least 20 years, a man who had been a FRIEND - and nothing more - from third grade through the end of high school. (We attended the same church as well as the same schools, and had worked together with about 4 other friends to start up a high school youth group at our church which became very successful.)

Since then, we've only met at reunions, and only for short chats to "catch up" on our respective families -- including discussions of our parents and sibs...

So there we were, catching each other up on the last two decades of our lives over a beer, and I found myself saying that I was not sure I would marry again, should I ever again find myself in an unmarried state.

He got rather agitated about the discussion, and I think he thought I was saying I was unhappy...

The truth is, I am not at all unhappy with being married. I love being married - and I spend 24/7 with my husband, since we work together out of our home -- so this is saying a lot...

But I do think that should I, at some time in the future, find myself single, I would not seek out a new spouse. I would make sure I had access to plenty of friends, and I would certainly not be a recluse, but I don't think I would want to go through the work of trying to find someone equally special.

Maybe I just think there aren't that many good men left in the world who aren't already married... Or don't come with too much baggage...

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

When I divorced back in '93, I certainly didn't go looking for another partner. I was enjoying being by myself. But then I met my current partner in '95, we went out, had fun, and the rest, as they say, is history. I met quite a few 'frogs' in the 2 years I was single until I met my prince!

Anne, I can't imagine that I would ever want to marry again. As much as I've enjoyed aspects of being married, I've also found it to be much more exhausting and challenging than I could ever have imagined when I was single. While I would not have wanted to miss out on much of the past 17 years, especially the extensive traveling we've done together, if I'd known then what I know now, I'm pretty sure I would have turned around and gone in the other direction way back on that first date. But even that thought makes me shudder, because there WAS so much that I did enjoy and am grateful to have experienced.

It is what it is, and I'm grateful for all the joys and fun we've had together. I just wish we could find that joy and fun again.

Anne, Eagle, yonuh, and all interested parties,
I've been married 43 years of my 39 years on earth; and this is
my second marriage. I'm happy. WB and I spend 24/7 together; we're both retired. He's a wonderful human being. If I had to
rate him on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best, I'd say he's
an 11. But I don't think I'd ever marry again. My 1st and 2nd husbands were exact opposite. I like being married to WB.