Just thinking about the whole issue of calling friends...it takes something that I haven't been able to drum up for many years. Not sure what to call it...courage doesn't quite articulate it. More like "chutzpah", or audacity? Maybe a mixture of audacity and trust? It amazes me how some people, perhaps even most people, don't even think twice about phoning people. I wish I had that...it can take me DAYS of drumming up courage/audacity/whatever to make one phone call to my brother. I start to sweat, I've even cried on occasion from the anxiety it triggers when I have to call someone. If it's for business or medical appointment, it's not so bad. But trying to call a family member or friend, it's almost impossible. I was always able to call my Mom and my brother Gary with no problem. Ironically, the only two people in the world I could just phone and chat with without anxiety are both gone and there's nobody left that I feel that bravado or comfort with.

I don't know how you find that. I suppose it depends on the quality of relationship and/or trust level with the person you're calling. Maybe a string of bad phone experiences hasn't helped either. And maybe having someone to call in the first place.

For now, my online friends are my only real contacts. I have to find ways to change that, to make new friends. For me, that's a very frightening challenge...many of the things that have been going on in our lives recently have further eroded my confidence and made me extremely wary and untrustful...even my best friend of 30 years just recently betrayed my confidence which is causing immeasurable heartache right now.

I have to be honest and admit that I feel a great affinity with Job these days.