I am sitting here crying with nowhere to post. I knew I could come back here--haven't been around in awhile---

We thought we would eventually lose my mother to Alzheimer's & have to put her in a nursing home. The very thought would kill me and fill me with guilt. I so dreaded having to do that.

ONLY THAT DAY WILL NEVER COME.

My mom went into the hospital with what we thought was pnenumonia---but it turned out to be something we never saw coming.

My mom had a cancer in her blood. All the signs and symptoms we thought were related to other problems she had in the past.
We thought they were acting up again. Mom's kidneys shut down-and they began dialysis. What we thought would be a life of dialysis 3x a week--which we would have dealt with---turned out to be something much more.

Her kidneys shut down due to multiple mylenoma. She was given 3-6 months to live. We were called to discuss a DNR---and that conversation ended up turning into something I never thought we would have to do.

Make a choice on whether to continue treatment for her kidneys and add chemo. Which would make mom even weaker than she already was.

Mom went into a WONDERFUL hospice on May 4th. 12 hours later on May 5th she was gone.

Everything since has been a blur. We had family here till the weekend. My brother went home Tuesday night. And the past 2 days I have been crying.

I miss my mother so much. I have spent the past 22 years taking care of her. The last 5 have been more one on one. I just feel so empty and alone. I wasn't ready to let her go so soon.

I know not having to see her slowly disappear from the Alzheimers will be some kind of a blessing---but right now I am 44 years old and I want my mommy.

Thanks for listening.

My Dearest Karen, I am sitting here feeling so sad for you; not pretending to know your grief. Losing a parent has to be one of the worst possible loss's. All I can offer you are prayers for you and for your mothers everlasting soul. No one and nothing can hurt her now she is in the arms of our Lord...

I'm really sorry to hear Karen, of your loss since it was so sudden.

Oh Karen, my heart goes out to you. I've lost my dad and I know how the emptiness can consume you. I am so sorry. Allow the grieving if you can. But also very important is to remember the kindness of your mom and all of the wonderful memories you've shared. Let these fill your heart and hopefully, bring you peace.

I'm thinking of you during this difficult, very sad time.

Karen, my condolences on your loss. I know words can't take away the pain you're feeling right now, but right now that's all I have.

Karen Dear I am so sorry for your terrible loss...my Mom was my best friend and she has been gone 12 years now and I still wake up each morning wanting to talk to her...don't even try to deny your grief..you need to grieve before you can begin to heal...I found a wonderful Grief Support Group that really really lifted me out of my darkness and I have formed some solid friendships from that group experience...

It's ok to feel really sad and to cry...and feel good about how close you were with your Mom..and how much you did for her..you are a good daughter...your Mom will always be in your heart....

I feel so so badly for you....love and blessings.

Karen, I feel so sad reading this. Your pain is so real and so deep. Tonight look up at the stars, and think your Mom is now looking down upon you, and is painfree and at peace.
I love thinking that all our souls will become a shiny twinkling star above us. I don't only think that, I believe it.
Be with people who mean alot to you. It's important that you aren't alone too much, especially after the fact that your Mother has been living with you. If I could, I'd come over with a good wine and drink till we get tipsy. Sending you a hug.

Karen
you write so beautifully of a relationship with yout Mother.

for now live for keeping yourself well enough to cope.By that eat well and walk each day..go into the sunshine...cosy up in bed..

I would like Edelweiss love to visit..listen to your memories and be present for you.

I understand.

Karen, I am so very sorry for your loss. Love yourself through this and your mother will know that you are loving her.

My mother died last November. I, too, had expected her to live through the horrors of alz, but instead she died earlier. I can only say that when I am missing her, I think of how she died with most of her beautiful brain still intact.

What a whirlwind you have been through. I am glad you came back to post here.

Ann

Karen, may you find a path to peace. I, too, am 44 and lost my step-father last November. I wished I had a closer relationship with my step-father. I'm glad that you were close to your mother.

How are you today Karen? Would you like to tell us something about your mother? Is there any particular memory that stands out in your mind?

Karen, So very sad loosing your parent. It's the hardest thing. I always tell people that it's like your world has been tilted on it's axis and will never be straight again. But after loosing my dad 12 years ago and my mom 10 years ago, I can tell you that after taking time to grieve, the warm, loving memories will shine through and you'll feel much better. You'll always miss them daily but your heart will heal and your thoughts will once again remember her and the beautiful person she was.

I agree with the other ladies, take time to cry, crieve, be close with your loved ones and remember her for the wonderful lady she was. Blessings and hugh and prayers are offered for you.

Karen, my heart aches for/with you too. I hope you are finding your way through these sad and empty days. And I hope you come back here to cry on our shoulders and to find courage and strength to keep going when it feels like you just want to crawl back into bed and stay there forever. So many of us understand the agony of absence and are here to lean on. Sending prayers.

I'm so sorry. Please accept my condolences. Mothers always
live the heart. I wish I'd been closer to my adoptive mom,too.
I miss her like crazy. Prayers and blessings!

I am so sorry, Jabber.. thinking of you. I lost my mom in January this year..

So many hugs, dear girl!

Karen,

Thanks for coming here in your time of need. We are here for you! I just stopped by this section because I just got off the phone with my Mom and she is going through a very difficult time. She needs a hip replacement and her husband has told her that he doesn't have the ability to care for her during her recovery.

So I was feeling sad and wondering how I can help from such a distance... And now I read your story and my heart goes out to you.

Everyone who wrote before me is correct - take time to grieve, take time to heal; remember the good times you had together; write your mother's story so your children will know of her.

And stop back here often, because there is nothing like women helping women in a time of need. We're here for you!

Anne

((((( Karen )))))

I too am soooo sorry for your loss.

Everyone goes through mourning in their own way and I hope what I'm about to say wont be out of line or upset you .... or upset anyone here ... as my only hope is to help you find some sort of peace at the saddest time of your life.

I know your mourning .... but I'd like to ask you to do yourself a favor and try ... just try ... to let go of your sorrow for just one moment ... look around you ... you must let the sorrow go for just one moment .... and truly look for your mom. She will find you in the tiniest little way ... but you have to truly look for her ... feeeeeel for her .... give her a chance to re-connect with you. In my case it took my son 5 days to find me ... in the form of a butterfly ... others here had totally different experiences. I believe that if you can lower that "wall of pain" for just a moment she will find you and she will guide you through this.

Again I apologize if I have spoken out of turn. I would never try to minimize your pain.

We are all here for you.

Carolyn

Hi, Karen. I don't believe I know you, but I'm sorry for your loss. I only know how I felt when my Mom passed, and then my Dad. I still grieve. Take your time and do it your way. We all do it differently.

Karen how are you handling things, are you getting support from friends and family? Are ytou feeling better?

Hi Karen:
I am very sorry for your loss. Nothing can ever replace the place of a parent's love in our life. And there will always be that sense that things are not the same. Because they are not the same.

But I pray that you find comfort in the arms of God for this time of sorrow. Rejoice in the warm and happy memories. Find something to be thankful for each day and be kind to yourself.

More than anything, remember you are not alone. Thanks for sharing your loss with us. Thou we are far, here we are a family, just a click away. We are friends, sisters... we share but most of all: WE CARE.

I will keep you and your family in our prayers.