There's a great book that I read many years back that was helpful. I believe the title was How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty.

I've come such a long way in the guilt department. I was raised Catholic so I knew all about guilt, but it's something I've worked hard to shed through the years.

Still haunted by it at times, but try to get to the root of why I feel guily to see if it's justified. It usually isn't.

Oh, and I know someone who will try to make others feel guilty and I am so on to that one. Anyone know people like that? They throw the "poor me" syndrome at you. We are all responsible for our own happiness.

I think excess guilt may be a woman's domain. When I retired I was eaten up with it. I felt guilt for not getting up at 6:30, not putting in an 8 hour day doing something, reading and relaxing during the day, shopping when the stores are uncrowded, etc, etc. The list went on forever. I used to literally tell myself out loud that I worked long and hard and deserved a rest. It tool awhile until I could believe myself. After years of problems (financial, family health, etc) I now find myself without any problems and with nothing to complain about, Unless I am careful I can REALLY feel guilty about life being easy and good at the moment, My hubby thinks this is the craziest thing he's ever heard - one reason it is nice you ladies are here as I am sure someone has had the same experience!

My mom was a good one for laying on the guilt trip. I eventually stopped playing into it; but she never stopped trying. Right now, there aren't any people in my life that are like that (thankfully!). It's exhausting to deal with even if you don't allow the guilt in. I felt I always had to be on my guard around my mom.

OMG!!! My EX is the poster boy for the POOR ME syndrome. It makes my skin crawl.

After Rosee and then Reeta passed on he walked around moaning and groaning and then whaling like a demented fool. All he could think about was how sad HE was and how HE'D miss them. Good grief, I was devastated too but not for me, I was devastated for them. Them getting sick, them dying, them because of their love of life and people and food. I have never cried for me, thats just sick... All this from a man who never even took them for a walk in 13 years, and couldn't bring himself to be there with them at the end... To each his own I guess...

Chatty..I am glad that the dinner thing turned out..well..SURPRISING and PERFECT!!! I mean they really GOT you there..which means that they know you and love you very very much, it seems. I had a good laugh over that one!

I was hoping that you didnt have that man around you anymore..do you? Just wondering..for your sake!

HUGS!

Greene..I laughed when I read about your hubby and his reaction about yor guilt feelings. My partner usually tells me gently that he doesn´t quite know what I am talking about when I start describing my quilt feelings. Maybe it´s a female thing..mostly. Eventho I know that my sons can feel guilt and find it hard to cope with it at times..

I guess that some of us are plagued and weakened by this guilty feeling thing at times in or lives..and that´s life for us..maybe we all have our "hang ups" at times??? It´s nice to be able to write about them here or talk to a friend and make it feel more normal for awhile. Put it into perspective? Whatever it is?

My close friend asked me if I wanted her to come along when I had my stitiches taken out from my foot. I was taken aback..why should I need her to come along for that? And I usually want to do hospital things on my own. BUT then I decided..why NOT?? I will have a more pleasant time and we will have some moments together. So we went together..and I began thinking about being more open and letting in people..into my life. Nothing earthshaking..but just being more open toward myself and others around me..I am at the beginning of these thoughts..I think they are important because many of us do feel ALONENESS now that we are older..the kids have their lives..our friends don´t have the energy to always meet..and neither do we for that matter. Hmmm...

Growing up I used to think if the mailman had a bad day, I was somehow responsible for it. I think this comes from years of having four sisters around and everyone pointing the finger at ME when something went wrong or was broken. Okay, okay, so I WAS the culprit, but after a while, not everything really WAS my fault. But I continued feeling the guilt.

I had an ex who tried to tell me I was a bad mom. Bahaw! What a crock. I was and still am an excellent mom and I don't mind telling it. So that was the end of my guilt trips and I have him to thank for it.

I started asking myself (when guilt would arrive) IS THAT TRUE? Usually, it wasn't. If it wasn't, I dropped it.

Just asked yourself...is that true?

I think guilt and a lack of self confidence may go hand in hand. I suffered a long time under a lack of self confidence. Now that I finally stand up for myself and believe in myself, I don't get those guilty feelings like I used to. I know what I have to do, and I know when I need to slow down. I'm simply doing the best I can. And if I don't give my best,...heck that's okay too.

JJ, I know you were never the one that stole those Orios. Jeez, what were your sisters thinking!