You think that's bad...me and four other women went to lunch the other day and a cop stopped us. He said to me, "Did you know you were speeding?" I said, "I'm driving?"

JJ

I...uh...ah...

HUH?

Ahahah ha ha ha ha ha ha, ho, ho, ho, ho,hee,hee,hee...I just got it JJ.

Jeepers, I gotta get out more!!!

[ December 14, 2004, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: chickadee ]

I got this from my sister and thought this was the perfect place to share.

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel,the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer
radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." _______________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house
together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going
up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_______________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer." _______________________________________

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a
moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
_______________________________________ DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
_______________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me
... I know we've been friends for a long time ...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_______________________________________ SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said
Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
______________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through
a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really
concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the
other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

Dotsie these are hysterical! Just what I needed today! Thank you!

My goodness, I was just thinking the other day that I seemed to have accomplished more when I didn't have a "to do" list, or just had the basics.

I remember (yahoo! I remembered something) now where was I? Oh...I remember, when I used an appointment calender just for that, appointments (like DR, social events, etc....) I seemed to get more done back then.

Well, I did have some more thoughts but, I forgot what they were!

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, I'm a list maker. I live by them. Every Sunday night I go through the family calendar and write it out(day by day) on the memo book I keep on the counter for everyone. I check things off as we go along, add stuff, leave notes for the kids and hubby(we all leave notes as we come and go). It's the only way I know to keep track of everyhting. I make lists for shopping too. Then there is the work calendar. I don't know another way to do it. Then of course there are the days I still forget to do something! HELP!

Dotsie these are hysterical and I couldn't believe you posted them, had to go back to see for sure. A little risque here and there. I love old lady jokes I guess, because I have become one...

Chatty, that's probalby why we all think they are so funny. We can relate! Better to laugh than be upset by our aging!

Dotsie,

I'll give you a little background. I have always had an excellent memory, in fact, I can still remember as far back as when I was 4 years old. It use to be that there was no need for me to write down anyone's phone number because I knew it from memory.

Of course, all of that has changed in the past 4 years. I am glad that you shared with me the ways you keep track. Perhaps, I need to work harder at implementing the to do's.

Thanks and Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, perhaps a resolution to make lists!