Foreign to me too, orchid, but I know it goes on, just not in my circles. I remember a woman who worked in a professional office. The boss was good looking and happily married. I heard that one of the women that worked there wanted to tempt him for fun, just to see if she could get him to cheat. How sick is that?

People, men and women, are becoming more selfish all the time. It's pathetic. I know it isn't this easy, but don't get married if you want to run around. Or, get divorced then run around.

WOW...I'm almost afraid to come in here. This may be a HUGE mistake - to wander in here and offer my two cents....but I'm feeling brave today so here goes :

What I'm hearing here is a bunch of anger, and I'm sure that's warranted - but I don't think anyone has mentioned the sanctity of working it out. Granted, not everyone wants to do that, but my belief is (and it's aside from "marriage" as an institution) that when things happen, and when things happen that hurt us to our very core, there is much work to understand what it is that we're supposed to learn from it. I don't think it's as simple as the overt circumstances, but more the things that lie deep within us. I am of the opinion that if we really think, we can find ways to make things work for us. They (Sandra Bullock and Jesse James) could find a way to make this work for them, if she can forgive this intense betrayal, and if he can figure out how to make amends to a person who truly seems to be something akin to an angel. Obviously we don't know how these people live their lives anymore than I know how the rest of you live your lives, but it's not just some "a-hole" cheating on his perfect wife. It's two people in pain living under a bug-glass. I think that it's very sad and very reckless to sum up what we decide in speculation, on something we have no first hand knowledge of. And really, even if I HAD first hand knowledge, it would be very reckless indeed to hash it around.

The tongue, a tiny member that can produce havoc and destroy everything in it's midst.

Just a thought. Don't hit me.

Kate

Don't disagree with the idea of a couple trying for counselling, etc. DreamerKate. AGree that we have no idea of Jesse's and Bullock's real personalities at home.

But each person in the relationship must want to change and work actively in partnership for that change when sexual infidelity has occurred.

Otherwise it ends up 1 person HOPING the other person will change permanently.

I read both individuals in their relationship as having strong personalities. He seems incredibly "dumb", airheaded just based on the comments he said publicly and saying 'sorry'. Yea right. Sure.

Dotsie mentioned about some people who curiously 'bait' infidelity or flirt. I truly don't understand men or women who 'flirt' when they already are coupled with a partner. It's just foreign to me. I interpet flirting under those circumstances as insecurity of the flirter who needs some sort of validation.

When men wink at me (this has happened several times to me in my last job), I just respond as if I didn't notice or nonplussed and just carry along what I'm saying with a straight face. I was a manager in a job, for cryin' out loud.

Then they realize they shouldn't have done it to me. So it never happens again. Good.

Why in the heck, do some coupled guys/women flirt? To gain favour with someone else?

orchid,
I don't know why folks' flirt when they're already married.
But horsing around destroys many lives and IMO nobody has a
right to ruin another person's life and happiness.

I assume people flirt for the same reasons married women wear low-cut tops or men do their hair and clothes just so: to get some attention and a bit of thrill. Both of those reasons don't necessarily mean anything sneaky. It could be anything from just being extra-friendly and liking to show off to actually trolling for another person. You never know.

A lot of people, especially women, grow up with the idea that their self-worth is significantly tied to male attention, and they mourn the loss of said attention as they get older. Men do too, but women are encouraged to make a lifetime out of hair care, makeup, clothing, personal maintenance, etc. -- nearly all of it tied to validation from not just men but also other women.

I think when people might be feeling a bit low or lonely it's a charge to be noticed by someone else. Sometimes that notice and the opportunities it might present go too far, of course. I think a *lot* of this has to do with growing older and wanting to feel that someone else still finds you attractive. For some folks, though, that's just the way they are: they flirt with nearly everyone. I don't really get it either but am not in other people's heads. Joking and a little teasing, yes. Flirting -- well, I think people would just laugh at me!

Right U R. There's harmless flirting and not so harmless
flirting, I suppose. Some folks just like people. And that's cool.