Education is never wasted..a graduate who has read extensivly will have absorbed others lives...so whilst having time at home is aware of the wider world.
medics who have been science orintated were advised to do some credits in biography and family saga type literature by a professor.Authorso ften capture life stories and give background information not read in a medical textbook.. this can be an unexplored area to a young scientist.Yet helpful when joining any new health related job.

What defines us is our whole life experience..not whether we stayed at home..
An unhappy hard up for money person will be dealing with several life balance issues..this may spill over into her marriage relationship her parenting skills..so her task is to do what is best for her and her situation..

The hard reality is that a single, divorced mother raising children has no choice but to get paid work. We all know there is a high % of this group, some who are BWS members here.

I actually believe, as a form of financial insurance any woman wishing to have children, is better to at least have a part-time job (no matter how small) to keep a certain job-specific skill set fresh and to have it as part of her work resume so that the job search is abit easier in the future. Life can be full of unpleasant surprises that affect one's financial base drastically.

One woman who was about to finish her PhD and was 31 at the time, said to me that she wanted to have children.

I said great "but it might better for you to get a job first, then go on maternity leave. Otherwise it will be much more difficult to re-enter the workforce after being out for several years. Employers will not see her in the same way now compared to later, not your line of work".

She didn't have job during her last 6 university years.

So she landed a good government job within 5 months after she finished her PhD that uses some of her expertise. She's probably now wanting to conceive. I dunno I haven't talked to her in awhile.

I'm just be a pragmatist.

Mountain Ash, yes a job does not define a person. The sister-doctor who chose to go part-time even when she was single is a good example. Life is good for her....she paid off her house mortgage on..a part-time salary. So she could have been alot wealthier but she chose not to be.

So a woman's education can pay off ..in spades..if she plans her future in advance.

There is no debate Orchid...a woman has to do what is right for her.
I approve of education.

I think a person's belief's, experiences and perspectives have so much to play in the choices that they make and though I do believe there are absolute "right" and "wrongs," there are different ways to choose to live. "Knowledge is power." But power without the right channel is useless or harmful.

I'm really struggling with the question myself right now of whether I should quit trying to get my business up and running for the sake of having more time with my girls (now only 6 and 7) and my dear husband who hardly gets to see me, or if perhaps the benefit of the education (I learn a lot hands on - I figure 2 years trying to get a business up and running is about as good as a degree.... - and a bit cheaper, maybe....) will bring in needed finances in the future, plus give me the opportunity to have a job where most of the time my girls can be with me.

But is "being with me" at shows and events quality time with the girls? Tomorrow my older will spend the day helping mom set up and sell; we both think it's pretty fun, but there's plenty of at home work to do with the business - bookkeeping, inventory, website, marketing, etc. I'm praying God grant my husband and I the grace and wisdom to know what to do, whether to move forward or kill the thing. What is best for my family?

My mom is a wonderful lady who worked hard most of my life as a teacher. She had the first 5 years at home,then went to work. But she and I never had a relationship, much of one any way. We got along, but it is only at 40 that I feel she's starting to get to know me (now that she's 87) - and I to know her. I never felt comfortable telling my parents my problems; I really, really, really, want to be there to listen to my girls. For my husband and I, time together with family is top priority, but recently we've put income ahead of that and I'm concerned it's the wrong choice.

In America, you almost always can downsize. I was raised in a very low income part of NYC. I'd rather be "poor" (almost no Americans are actually poor by the world's standards) and live in a small apartment than have a million dollar business and not know my kids.

I just don't know. I really need God's wisdom to help make the right choices.

* * * *
Regarding people who ask you for favors, I've found it's wise to do what I can and not judge people, or (harder) myself. (My neighbor woke me up at 10:30 pm last night to ask if she could come over and do a load of laundry since her water's been out for three days - she didn't have anything clean for her and her boyfriend to wear; I felt physically able,though tired, to handle it and said yes. If I couldn't handle it, I'd have said no. So I stayed up until midnight so she could get a load done. I don't have any bad feelings about it; she needed help and I was in the position, physically and mentally to help her.

There are a lot of people who would have (and a few who have) looked down on me for my "laziness" in my work at home - I was one of them for a long time; I'm learning to love and forgive myself and allow myself to be human, though strive to overcome weaknesses.

The first four years of marriage to my husband, he would work three jobs, then come home to a wife who had "played" or slept all day, so, without a complaint, he would also cook and clean and let me know what an honor it was to serve me.

I was chatting with a bartender one evening and was really excited because I had not had time with my beloved for sometime and we were going to have a "date." Someone was giving us 15 piles (BIG piles! ) of wood and we were going to have a date and chop and haul wood all day. The bartender asked me, "What do I have to do to get a woman like you?" LOLOL I replied quickly, "Be a husband like him."

But sacrificial love, the kind that gives generously for the sake of the other, not itself, has to come from a pure Source.

So, one could accuse me for many years of lacks, laziness, etc - of "using" my husband, but God knows our hearts - and our experiences.

For ten years I chose to live as a nanny with a woman who had come out of the serverest form of abuses. I did it because I felt, honestly, right or wrong, that the Lord God wanted me to. Those years were good years; I grew and matured a lot. But they were physically, mentally and emotionally incredibly hard. When the Lord made me leave after 10 years, I suffered a breakdown. In hindsight, working as much as I did without reprieve probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done - and now I'm wary and warn others I see in the same pattern - but God's grace got me out of it. But I suffered horribly to the point of suicidal because I wasn't doing enough (even though my husband never criticized me.) I was sleeping 15 hours a day, then had two beauuuutiful kids in a row (what? you mean you can get pregnant while breastfeeding?! lol - hubby's 90 year old grandma mentioned it, but NO regrets, nothing is more perfect than those two baby girls - just ask me! )

Anyway, I figure God is the source of my good stuff and if I give to someone as I can (I often can't) it's unto God, likewise if someone blesses me I wish I could give them a $1000 check (or at least a Starbucks card) but in this season of my life I can't so I push the guilt away of being so needy right now, and ask God to bless them in their season. The ten years I had to be a help to others blessed me in many ways; mostly I grew a lot. Now I need to do what I can to help others (I help tutor a friend's kid) but I also have a lot of needs. I believe it's the Hindu goddess that has 6 arms with the concept that any mom needs at least 6 arms to do all the work, but the God I serve made two arms - because, I believe, he intended there to be many more involved in helping. In our society all too often we've lost those "other arms." Those loving friends who let their homeschooled 12 year old come for four hours a day because the baby's mom sometimes is too sick to do much more besides just feed the baby.... The loving neighbor who takes the call from the mom with a chemical imbalance at 11:00 o'clock at night, when hubby's at work, because the mom's afraid her mental system is crashing and doesn't know if she will be all right.

But all those hands have to come from a Source and I believe we choose to open the door to that Source or to close the door to that Source. When I get in deep trouble, I tend to look inward: have I been evil? Have I not trusted in God? Have I done something, or not done something? Throughout all my instabilities and problems, God has gone with me and been there for me, but I believe His truth - 1+1=2, not 3 or 4 or 106. Crazy world we live in: there's an infinite number of falsehoods to every mathematical truth - and there's an aweful lot of lies around us everywhere we turn.

I would agree with saying "No." when you can not do things - whether you need time to rest (hmmm... did I eat dinner tonight?) or if you just aren't mentally up to it - and trust God for your "no's." But if you are happy and content to help the ones who need it, then by all means go joyfully and help them out. Don't be a grinch on yourself - ASK the ones who you know can help you when YOU need it.

One very dear friend almost 20 years ago now told me something I'll never forget. I was hating the fact that I was always needing her - and never there for HER. But I was coming out of an almost abusive situation and wasn't really able to do much more than survive. She said to me, "Christa, I have friends who help me and friends who I help. I really appreciate those whom *I* can help, because some of my friends are just there to help and listen to me."

Don't know if that made sense, I hope so. I am living proof that there is a loving God: my husband and friends actually like to listen to me talk...amazing....

blessings

- oh! and two of my best friends have been full time stay at home mommys - one was an engineer in her other life (3 kids) and the other was a lawyer (5 kids, 2 at home and now one grandbaby! - homeschooled all the kids - whew! That certainly would take a law degree...)

What type of home-based biz are you thinking of? Would be a unique service/product that others in your region do not offer?

It would take alot of work to get it up and running, plus ongoing networking with potential customers and other like-oriented businesses whom you can partner with. Bur could be worth it financially and for your own development in terms of work-related skill sets.

It could bring you closer to your daughters, but no guarantee when they are in their teens and up.

I do have a certain opinion because:

In my last job, I hired a woman around my age (at time of hire, 48), who was a full-time mom for over 10 yrs. Then she was suddenly divorced and without recent paid work experience, to support her 2 teenage sons. So through a special program funded by govn't (not everyone unemployed person is eligible), she attended college and got her diploma. It took 2 yrs. I knew it was very demanding on her..and I could see when training her, her computer literacy skills were not good. Not as good as someone else who would have had worked on computers daily. I know she lives at near poverty level. The training period was painfully slow..

Life is full of rude/terrible surprises. I also have a cousin my age, who married (I actually went to her wedding.) and later divorced with 4 children. The youngest was around 3-4 yrs. old when the divorce occurred.

Thankfully she had a job already with postal office prior to divorce...and so she carried on. While her 70-yr. old+ Mom looked after all the children. Seriously this is demand on her mom also. But what could she do? Daycare costs money. She is still single. Her ex-hubby is in a working-class job so child custody payments wouldn't be generous.

If you have good working skills from the past, don't abandon them completely, or at least self-teach yourself your computer skills with current common software and keep such skills current.

I ...cannot...begin ..to emphasize how important this is in terms of survival skills.

I just heard from physician sister: She has her 3 yrs. daughter part-time in daycare because she just finds it easier to cope with her newborn baby. As for her hubby, he works full-time as a cook but she will return to work at the hospital. Just on his salary, it will not pay the bills completely. His salary is poverty-level.

And they live an ordinary lifestyle. ie. 1 car, home near subway.


She has elected to work part-time as a physician (I think it's 15-20 hrs. per wk.) but with her salary they can afford some daycare. Unlike my other married sisters with children (1 works, 2nd one has been full-time homemaker for many years as mentioned in thread earlier), I do see this as a more complicated situation, partially because of her hubby which I won't get into. I just hope this works for them all.


I'm not disagreeing about living at poverty-level. But I wouldn't romanticize it either after being raised by parents where my mother never worked outside home with 6 children and my father was a restaurant cook his whole life. Are we closer to my mother because she was around?....No. It's more her personality, communication style...and frankly we've lost our mother,first language because of English-language assimilation. I see glimmers in my mother, the woman she could have become, had life's opportunities been so different. She has natural mathematical abilities that my father doesn't have much. (She has gr. 10 level education, my father has gr. 12 education) and a technical ability. Those natural tendencies have been passed to and honed in..some of her children, who did their applied sciences university degrees, majored in the scientific areas. Whereas the more artistic stuff I got from my father. It IS true sometimes a parent's natural gifts is never realized...but comes true in the next generation(s) thereafter. It's almost heartbreaking to see...unfulfilled potential.

I think the closeness of parent to child(ren) is the personality of parent and how they cultivate long-term communication within the parent-child relationship. And vigilance/awareness of child's relationships with other people outside of the family as they grow-up. Not whether or not, they are working full-time outside of the home. For instance, most of us feel easier/closer to our father because he can speak English and he also is an even-tempered person more than mother. Yet, he worked full-time his whole life. But he also was not subjected to being at home with 6 children 24/7 for 20 yrs. straight. That can affect the mental health of some people.

There's alot of different ways how to approach work-life balance.

I remember having a conversation with an older wise lady when I thought about returning to work outside my home.Saying to her that I wanted to be at home for my school age children coming home .She told me that it is the quality of parenting and not always being there as long as they were cared for by a responsible adult..
That was sound advice
Need you run a business ? could you work for another person without the whole responsibity for a business.The experience you gained from setting up your venture wont be lost..