I have to agree with Dotsie on this one Kate. It's called TOUGH LOVE and is sometimes the hardest thing you'll ever have to do for him BUT it is the best thing as well.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to stand at a door and look on the other side and see my son a broken man, on drugs and still coming to me for rescue. It must be such a heavy weight on your heart, Kate. I cannot begin to know what that feels like.

I don't have the answer except if he's an adult it's his choice what he does. Dotsie is right...you're thinking as his Mother...and as Chatty says, tough love is the hardest thing you'll do.

I would contact his parole officer and let him know what you saw and what he wanted you to do. At this stage I imagine jail is probably just a revolving door to your son.

My MIL's daughter has been using drugs since she was 14. She still uses. She'll buy a cheap TV set...within 2-3 days later she's sold it for drugs. we all wonder why she even bothers buying anything...why not just give the drug dealers their money and be done with it. Robin will die a drug addict. She also has dictated and controls her Mother and has since Robin popped into this world. My MIL has no backbone when it comes to her daughter, despite the fact that Robin is 48 years old. Robin can be the sweetest person in the world, but the reality is when we're not around she has to be sucking drugs into her body and does not want to stop.
Your son does not want to stop. He wants to makes excuses and lie to you. Do you know how you can tell if a drug addict is lying? Their lips are moving.
You have to decide if you want to focus on those who are not lying to you and need you or the one who is a lost cause and chooses to make the bed he's lying in. You didn't do this...he did. Don't punish the rest of your family by making them pay the price that this son of yours is trying to put on you. Guilt is one of the strongest playing cards an addict has and Robin uses it on my MIL all the time.
I am sorry you're in this situation but you have the ability to make a clear-headed decision. Open the door or leave it closed. You've got to leave guilt off the table. You've got to stop 2nd guessing yourself. You've got to do the right thing for the rest of your family.
I hope you get some counseling to help you cope with all this...I know it can't be easy. I'm praying for you, Katy.

Update:
My son has now been clean for 3 months. He is living at a home that takes his type in. They are former alcoholics (clean for 30 years) and work in corrections. They take two people tops into their own home and help them to stay on track. They have AA meetings at their home, are very involved in AA and took my son in, for that I am truly thankful.

He has had little success going to a recovery type home. These places house 10 to 50 men and my son was not successful in these settings. Too many of the same type, too many temptations, people relapsing and dragging many down with them.

The other thing my son did differently this time was go on a methadone program. This helps with the cravings and terrible side effects of withdrawal and keeps them stable. Some people don't agree with methadone as it is also a drug, but you can function on it. You have to go to the drug store every day and get the methadone. They don't give you a months worth like most drugs and send you on your way. You can only get one dose a day. They reduce the amount every week. My son is now completely off it.

He is in a school program and doing well.

I spent Christmas with him and had a wonderful time. He is always one step away from relapsing but I am holding on to the positives. We talk on the phone every day or every other day and he is learning so much about himself. He misses me, his family and where he is staying is just not home. But he appreciates these people so much and is thankful for them.

So for now I am counting my blessings.

Just wanted to share.
Kate

Kate, this must be a blessing for you! Three months clean is a wonderful thing. Different things work for different people; seems like he has found what works for him.

Great to hear, kate. Where's your daughter at? Hopefully she's doing abit related to her art interest.

I am counting your blessings with you. This is such great news. How long can he stay with them? I'm glad to hear they weaned him off the methadone. I know someone who's been on it for twenty -some years and what a joke it's been. I believe in the program, but only when they wean you shortly after you begin.

I bet it feels good to chat with him, knowing he's his true self!

I'm so glad to hear your son is doing well and is safe. You must sleep so much better at night.
If you can give any input I might suggest he consider long-term care. Many programs have you living in a half-way house, working in the community and basically learning to live life sober and straight for as long as a year.
Just imagine, the kid was stoned through many important developmental years and missed a lot of skills acquired during that time. I've heard young adults say "wow, I've never been bowling or to a movie sober before". They are used to practicing social skills and living skills while under the influence. The year gives them time to learn those things in a safe and supportive environment.
Just my two-cents. I'm a recovering alcoholic and spent lots of time in rehab as I worked my way thru several relapses. What I said above comes from listening to the young people in there with me and to the counselors as the worked with the group.

One is never so lost that they can't be found...I'm so happy that your son is finding his way back. You, my dear one, are an incredible mom.

Thank you all. I am counting my blessings. Very happy he is off the methadone. It's kind of like a bandaid. His AA friends encouraged him to get off it a.s.a.p. He was on it for just under 3 months.

Kind of scary times now as he is vulnerable and possible relapse could happen. I'm prepared for this but hope for his sake that he stays sober.

Kate

kate, byt the grace of God and your mothering skills, he's where he needs to be. Tough love is incredibly hard to practice, but just think, if you kept taking him in, he'd still be an active addict. GOOD FOR YOU!

greene, thanks for your input. It's helpful and makes great sense.