I honestly believe it is easier to deal with our own illness's than to have to deal with a loved ones...

I agree with you Chatty...I can't handle it when someone I know and love hurts and I can't fix it...and the worst part about Alzheimers is that very often our stricken loved one "appears normal"..and that just gets so frustrating...it's such a tragic illness.

Lola, they will only restrain psychiatric patients, but in my mind, an Alzheimer's patient is a psychiatric patient.

They found him on the floor yesterday morning. Who knows how long he'd been laying there. Fortunately, he only has a one cm cut on his head which I couldn't even find when I go there. He forgets he's broken his hip and gets up and goes. It's so dangerous. The only way to keep him in bed would be to drug him and we won't do that. PITIFUL.

EW, watch your mom with the new drug. An anti-depressant was the worse thing for my FIL. He ended up in Hopkins due to weird side-effects. I hope it helps her.

FIL is in a rehab nursing home now, not his assisted living place, though that still has to be paid for. We are praying he gets well enough to go back to that place. Right now, he isn't independent enough to do so, but we're hoping that after therapy (if he ever wakes up for it) he'll regain some of what he's lost. He was feeding himself a bit yesterday, used the toilet, though still in a diaper, and was sitting up. One day at a time. I popped in this morning and he was sound asleep. Will go later.

Mountain Ash, he has a parital hip replacement, and they like to get them up and moving the next day, but he's been too lethargic.

Blondi, I hate to say this, because we liked this place when he went there last week, but I'm learning that they tell you what you want to hear. They said they'd try therapy over and over during a day if he was too sleepy, they'd keep coming back. Hasn't happened yet. He had on the same gown he was wearing Sunday, same dirty sheets too. It sickens me.

Chatty, I agree. I feel a bit helpless. Ross is off tomorrow. I think we're going to have to hang out there all day and shake them up a bit.

Dotsie I am so sorry to hear about what you and your husband are going through...it's terrible to watch a beloved parent become so helpless ...I'm keeping you in my prayers...but please take time out for yourself...I felt that I had to be with my Dad night and day while he was in rehab and by the time he was ready to go back to his Assisted Living home I was exhausted and so emotional..and he actually needed me more at that time...one thing I do regret is not making a bigger deal sooner about the meds he was taking in rehab...they kept him pretty doped up (mainly so they wouldn't have to answer his calls so often) and so he was sleeping too much and getting weaker and weaker...once I insisted that they lessen his pain and sleeping meds he perked up and did his exercises and began eating better)..so check out the dosages on his meds if you get the chance...also...make a big deal about them not changing the sheets or your FIL's gown...ask his nurse first to change them...and if they don't come within 15 minutes go out and ask to speak with the supervisor...also complain to his physician...it's sad that it has come to this but we have to be their advocates...tell the staff you are very concerned about him contracting an infection ...I pray that he progresses and gets out of there soon...Please take care.

Sounds like good advice, re: elderly not overly doped up and ending up in an increased spiral of weakness, etc.

My great uncle was restrained in his final weeks before death. However I don't think he had Alzheimer's. He had a stroke/heart-related problem that landed him in the nursing home. He was around 75 yrs. He could speak English (and chinese).

I had also an uncle who was restrained. I also think he didn't have severe dementia. He was only in the nursing home under 1 yr. before he died. He was around 85 yrs. He could not understand/speak English.

These relatives were living..and died in the Metro Toronto area.

If we could know what is in the minds of the Alzheimer's afflicted residents and find a compromise between patient safety and providing limited freedom of movement for patient. Most likely that would require higher nursing staff ratio per patients plus assistanc of family members/friends visiting patient to take patient for a walk in wheelchair, etc.

I'm saying this because if I were a confused patient...I would feel imprisoned and would want to escape/runaway from the nursing home.

Okay, so now we're back to liking the place. Actually, I really think it depends upon who's working. There are some real winners and they've been working the last couple days. He's had great PT and OT, is now wearing clothes instead of those hospital gowns, and is feeding himself a bit.

With regards to medicine, we'd whittled it down several months ago. There is one medication he gets that makes him a bit sleepy, but without it, he's cranky and irritable so he continues to take it. He's landed in the psychiatric ward at Hopkins after changing meds so I know what you're talking about. There has to be a perfect balance in Alzheimer's patients, or the mood can totally change.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. They're working.

I know what you mean, Dotsie. It's sort of like a love - hate relationship with those senior homes.

I'm glad your FIL is doing better. I had to learn to be patient. Those medications don't seem to change the condition fast enough, and then, I wonder if they are doing anything. Oh brother, I bet I'm going to be a sceptical mistrusting old hag when I'm really old. Oh help.

Yesterday my mother called, and was totally confused. She said she has to find a store where she bought something. She couldn't find the right words, and was totally exasperated. "A" was playing at my feet, and my husband was gone doing a house showing.

I called the home and told them the story. They immediately sent someone to my Mom, who calmed her down, and stayed with her. She even brought a guitar and they sang songs together.

So today, I love my Mom's senior home too.

My husband Mother was 42 when he was born so I went through all the issues you are having many years ago.Our children were school age and our part of visiting had to be worked round childcare tasks.
Admission to an assisted residential house then a fall and hip issues.From then on Alheimers until her passing.Eventually she did not recognise any family member.We still kept visiting.. short but regular visits.
At the end my children did not go to the ward..we decided things were too puzzeling. There are no answers to explain demetia to little people.
The love hate relationship does exist.We are all vulnerable when others are in charge of medication and care plans.

Main thing I found and realise is that "All things pass" we visited often..got to know the nurses and other residents .It was part of our family living experience.
Since that time which spanned two years I am aware that friends have also had similar happening and try to let them know that I understand and support them when elders need assistance.

Sounds like what happened to my partner's mother who died at 93. She had a mild form of dementia when she was in nursing home. What was useful for me to learn was if an adult child has a good relationship with the ailing parent, the person can sometimes decipher/semi-understand the confusion of dementia-afflicted parent. Which my partner was probably one of the very few people left in her life near the end, who even half understood her delusions and was able to deflect untrue stuff to help reduce her anxiety/paranoia.

My partner's visits to his mother became shorter. But he tried to visit 2-3 times at minimum per week. She also lapsed 75% time back into speaking German. So really, it was her son (my partner) who could only understand her in the end. He knew 1/4 of the time, his mother was sane/lucid but she had problems getting her words out at the same speed her brain was processing info. He saw her frustration and frequently came home to tell me this.

EW, I bet because you visit so much they were happy to help.

We visited yesterday and he's had a bad night. He had a paranoia attack, tore down the curtains, thinking the guy in the room was trying to kill him. They had to give him medication to calm him down so when we visited yesterday, he was stone-faced. He didn't talk to us, was very solemn and tired; all a result of the medication.

Today was better. He was a bit happy and goofy. We were thrilled. We're up and down with his moods.

Mountain, I can't imagine taking care of young kids and dealing with aging parents. I don't know how you did it. Was she nearby?

orchid, Ross is that same person to his dad. He's the one who can calm him down and redirect. It's touching to watch, but quite a position to be in. It's unbelievable, but almost everytime Ross is out of twon, his dad has soem type of episode, several of which landed him in the hospital. When he was in Aruba, he broke his hip. Weird.