I will try to keep this short..all those who know me..know this is a challenge for me

My former husband had a serious stroke this past August. He is recovering..but is not all there. He is the father of all our 5 kids. I have been there by his side..with my kids..supporting him thru his very very serious illness. Some connections are strong no matter what... My youngest son needs his tuition paid at his college in the US. We otherwise live in Sweden. His dad says that he needs help for this. I have stated from the beginning that I cannot help financially with our son´s college payments. His dad has takn care of them but now he wants help. I understand his problem..but I don´t have more money anyway. Our son will take a loan and help out in the future..but cannot do so right now. I want to stay out of the financial discussions..because..well, I just do. I cannot really help without ruining my own situation. I will be retiring in about 3 yrs. His dad has a big house that could probably bring in quite a bit of money..but he also has to move somewhere if he sells. I think his dad has resources..but he doesn´t really have controll over everything yet due to his very serious illness.

What should I do? Should I get involved? My x..his dad..is not doing anything actively. He is totally relying on the family..which is 2 adult kids here in Sweden and myself. He could call the college to tell them that we are working on a solution. He didn´t..I did. And they are very kind and waiting for us to solve everything. It is a college that is run by a church organization. And my x has been very active in the small group here in Sweden. So..there is a family feeling in it all,too. My feeling is that my x could be more involved..and I recognize this lack of behavior from our married days long before the stroke. But then..I have not had a stroke..yet.

He says that he does have the money right now to pay for what is due to the college..but he is waiting because he wants assurances from our son..and then, me, too. He says that he wants our son "to learn" that life is serious..I think he has already done that and is managing financially on his own otherwise. But both my son and I were living under the assumption that his dad would pay for this year,too. He had his stroke shortly before my son left for college..which means that he must have had the means at that time. As he actually does right now.

Should I get involved..or leave them to it? I need help to think.. I am currently living with my partner of about 8 yrs.