I agree intuition is different than talking to or with God.
But throughout life, I've heard big named preachers say [God told
me this or that] as if God actually said, "turn right at the
next signal," in an audible voice. If God loves everyone equally,
and He treats everyone equally, how can I get Him to talk to me
like He does others? That's my question!

Post deleted

Why am I being ostracized?

Eagel Heart,
I didn't see your #189119 post before you deleted it. You are
NOT being ostracized or shunned in any way. I just didn't see it.
I'm short on time most days and just come in and scan "my stuff"
and then exit quickly. Please re post what you said, if you
recall the point you were making. Then I'll comment the next
time I get in here. Prayers and blessings,

Eagle, I can understand you questioning this. The forum isn't as active as it once was, and if I recall, it is never that active in the summer months. I think the ladies here are out in the sun more than behind their computers. I have posted many a post the last few months without receiving any reply. So what...it's like journaling for me. I can always look back at my posts, and see what I was talking about a few years back. That is sort of cool.

This is so true. Sometimes I choose not to burden any of you with my "goings on" as my granny use to say, but in the last few weeks I've been pulling granny duty because my DIL had surgery and my son and the kids needed me to fill in for her for a bit. So just this morning I got up at 4:30, made deviled eggs and Chicken Cacciatore, creamed potatoes to take to their house once I pick up the girls at 1:30 today...so I have very little time to do anything else except try to cram in as much work as I can.

Then my mother had test run and it goes on and on...

Forgive me for not replying to a lot of your post but in a few weeks I should be back to "normal" by my standards, anyway. Did I hear snickering?

I, too, believe He is always there for us. Although life is often challenging and sometimes there is much to overcome, if we keep our hearts open to each new day, the serenity will often visit.

Working with survivors of tragedies involving murder, (I am such a survivor too) I teach and practice that it can be a powerful tool to just stop, breathe, and savor the moment He has given us.

One moment. One deep breath. Ahhhhh. He is within us!

I've been trying to listen to the "new reality" that BWS has become. I simply don't know how to fit in here anymore. BWS has been my home for many years. I would go so far as to say that it's quite possible that I could not have made it through the past few years without BWS and the women who loved me back to life here. So many of you have radically changed my life and given me the courage and strength to conquer the quicksand that has forever loomed too close for comfort. I've been on a mission of sorts over the past few months, to change my focus from all that I've lost to all that is still here in my life. It's taken a great deal of courage, self-talk, tears and stubborn perseverence to stay positive, because every fibre of my being aches every single moment of the day with intolerable sadness and agony-of-absence. There are not enough words to describe the excruciating pain of the past 2 years. And why would I even want to inflict that on anyone anyway. It's enough that you have all been here throughout Gary's demise and death, and that you have been more than patient as I have struggled with this intolerable endless grief.

I do feel like I've turned the corner. Only to find that after all that hard work and diligent refocusing, I seem to have lost my footing here. I try to fit in, but so many of my posts seem to fall flat and seem to stop the conversations from continuing. It's to be expected that somebody's post has to be the last one in a conversation, but lately, it seems to be mine that stop the flow, and that makes me feel uncomfortable because I don't want to intrude or interfere in the flow, I just want to participate like everyone else.

One can only take so many dead ends before she starts to question the "why" of that. I don't want my presence or voice to ever be a party-pooper here. Sometimes I feel like my input is more intrusive than welcome or helpful. If it is, I need to know. Maybe the grief has changed the tone of my voice, or maybe the sadness leaks out despite all my efforts. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I think many women have gone to other places, like Facebook. but the deep conversations that we have had here can't take place there. I haven't found any other place that can support soul searching and give feeback like BWS. Not that I've been looking, so this is just an assumption. Of course it is to be expected with all the comings and goings around here that it is hard to converse with newcomers who don't know your background and what you have been going through.
Still, many of the "old" crowd stop by, but not as frequently,...I think we are all moving on in our own way.

My posts are often not replied to .

I just went back to read Dotsie's original post in this thread:

"One of the easiest human acts is also the most healing.
Listening to someone. Simply listening.
Not advising or coaching,
but silently and fully listening".

Could it be that, in some way and for some people, the flow for this particular thread was precisely that?