I thought I was ready to deal with this time of grief, but it has hit me harder than I could have imagined.

It has been 5 months since my dad left us, and I know he would want me to move on. God knows I am trying to do that. I honestly prepared myself knowing his passing was inevitable. You ladies went through this with me.

I even listened to your interview Jawjaw on BFA Women radio titled Making Lemonade from Real Life Lemons. I listened to it on my way to see my dad alive for the last time. It really helped. But I will need to listen to it again, after the fact now.

I recommend everyone on this board to listen, here is the link BFA Women Radio If this is all normal, then I will except it and know that I haven't gone off the deep end. Afterall, I am not the only person who has lost a parent, right?

Anyway, that's where I have been, trying to overcome the grief, and I am getting better, really I am.

My mother is in Greece now since the middle of June, she plans on staying there for 6 months. I miss her, but I am glad she went. She has a larger support system there, and it was really difficult for her to stay in that house. She was so lonely in the evening and I felt really bad I couldn't be there with her. But I am glad she went and I know that my dad would've wanted her to go there.

Anyway, I am just writing my feelings and this is very cathartic for me so thanks and thanks a million to my boomer sisters who are always here.

I love you all alot!!!

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, my heart aches with you. Five months is just a blink of the eye in this grief journey...my experience is that we can't even begin to move forward until we've journeyed through all the first "firsts". And even then, every birthday, holiday, special occasions will always bring back memories and that agony of absence...it eases over time, but it's always there, if only lingering like a shadow in the distant recesses of our minds.

The only way is through. Day by day, birthday, Father's Day, holidays...it's essential that we be patient and compassionate with ourselves as we walk through these moments. I'm glad you came here and shared...I too feel my brother's absence...and it's been over two years now. This time of year is one of those triggers for me...a reminder of all that used to be and can never be again. It's not just a letting go of the person, it's a letting go of all of the relationships, the dreams, the traditions, the little things that filled those holidays and occasions just simply by that person being a part of them. There's a void everywhere that person used to be...not just in our hearts and lives, but in the spirit and traditions of the holidays and special moments.

Breathe, my friend. We just have to keep breathing ourselves through these tough patches. You're not traveling alone.

Hi Cathi, it’s good that you have come back and told us where you are right now. Grieving can be a very lonely place, and it does make it easier to share with those who have gone through it, or will be going through it.

Thank you so very much for posting the link. I will listen to JJ’s interview. Can’t wait.

“….it is, what it is” …so true JJ, so true.

Glad to have you back, Cathi.

I don't think anyone ever really gets over parental loss. We are only able to deal with it better as time goes by but, the heart will always yearn for the parent who had gone. It's wonderful that your Mom can visit with relatives in Greece in the meantime. How about you? I hope you also keep yourself in the midst of those you love. How's little Zoey?

I knew if I posted here, I will find the comfort needed. For those of you who know me, know I do not like to be a downer. So when I am feeling down, I do not post here. But on the other hand, you always help me through.

Eagle, you pinpointed exactly what I could not explain. Yes, I miss the person terribly, but even more so the traditions. It's like I feel guilty for moving on. I feel like I dishonor his memory if I do. But I know my dad really well, and he would've wanted us to move on. In fact, I have been told time and again that we are actually doing our departed loved ones a disservice by grieving constantly.

The funny part is, I am not depressed, I am just feeling a little bit empty, like a part of me is gone.

Anne, thank you for sharing, I know it couldn't have been easy.

Lola, as always, you are the angel who comes to inspire. Yes, I do believe the time will heal. I have my work that keeps me busy and I am glad for it. I take the time to spend with myself, I do that more than I ever did before. I saw Zoey this past weekend, she is so big and delightful. I also discovered she likes the song Thriller by the late Michael Jackson. Every channel you turned, there was a tribute to him and everytime Thriller came on, she would stop and dance. Zoey loves to dance.

Edelweiss, I know you will enjoy the interview. She went through much worse than what I have gone through and still she managed to pull through. This interview is not a downer either, it really did help me prepare. I know I could've been worse off if I didn't prepare myself.

Anyway, I don't want to hold him back and I just need to learn how to let go. A friend of mine told me she finally did with her dad. Her dad passed away a couple of months before mine did. She said she saw him in a dream and he told her he was alright and she needed to let him go. I haven't had that experience and I really would like to. Just some kind of a sign I want to see from him. But I digress...

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi

In the most unexpected placed a reminder of loved ones can appear.
I understand how you feel and may each day soothe a little more.
listen for music you shared and scents and smells..flowers...food and in the blink of an eye a feeling of calm descends.
I send blessings

Thanks so much Mountain Ash, I have been afraid to do that for fear of more sadness. But I will take the advice, and Blessings to you too!

Mountain Ash shows her brilliance here with this suggestion. I too have tried it and it truly works to make you smile and feel warm all over. I also try to think if I were a spirit who came back to earth to mentor a loved one.

((Like in the movie GHOST, with Patrick Swazie, and Demi Moore and of course we can't forget about Whoopie Goldberg))

I would tell them to get on with their life and remember me
only in happy ways. Then when I decided to take my own advice, I found out, it works!!!

I have been working on this today and I believe you and Mountain Ash are right.

I have felt him near me a few times today, in a comforting kind of way.

Thanks, I just hope I can keep this up.

Cheers,
Catho

Cathi, I'm so glad to see you in here again. You have been missed. I can so relate to your grief, as I know so many others in here can. It has been five years since Daddy died but there are days when it seems like yesterday. There are also days when I'm just rocking along and thinking life is good then wham! It's like someone took a lasso and roped my feet pulling them out from under me. I'm hit with the realization that he is no longer here, I can't speak to him, or get a hug. This usually happens when someone repeats an old saying that Daddy used to love, or I walk by my favorite picture of him here in the house. It DOES happen, and it's okay that it does.

why?

Because I have trained myself to believe that it is Daddy's way of saying, "Hey kiddo, I'm right here. I love you and if you need me, just talk to me." This works for me. It massages my aching heart and let's me know that Daddy is still with me.

Love doesn't die. Repeat that to yourself, because it is true. LOVE NEVER DIES. The physical body may be gone, but the love covers you like a blanket.

Love you girl!