You know, Poppie, I was thinking about you all morning while out and about doing errands (with hubby - I can go anywhere with him, but not too far on my own still). One thing I've gotten very good at is IMMEDIATELY changing space...eg, as soon as I catch myself falling into despair or anxiety in bed in the morning, I IMMEDIATELY get out of bed, open the curtains, open the window, say thanks to God for a new day, pray for all my loved ones and then get on with my day. It was extremely hard for me to start doing this, but now it's habit, and it's a good one. No matter where I am or what I'm doing now, if I start to feel myself slide into that dark zone, I immediately change direction - one of the very best things I can do is to immediately start doing something for someone else - write an email, bake cookies for neighbours, buy a card for someone (how many times have I been in the mall, started to slide, and gone into the card shop to buy a card for someone! Believe it or not, it works for me, most of the time).

Anyway, this might not work for you, but I just wanted to share it as a possible coping mechanism, if not for you, perhaps for someone else out there who's reading this thread. For me, it has to be immediate, before I allow myself one step further into those thoughts or darkness. Change direction, change rooms, change the activity, change focus to something completely different.

It still doesn't always address the underlying issues, pain or problems, but it's just one more way to cope while trying to pull oneself through the day.

Addendum: I've heard of some women using a bracelet to help them refocus...they switch the bracelet to the other arm and say a prayer of gratitude/thanks as an active declaration of refocusing. I use the word "gratitude" because IMO gratitude radiates positive energy, and the simple act of being grateful - speaking a thank you for even the smallest things - brings that positive energy and light into our being.

Eagle, I can see you're thinking about Poppie too. I was checking back in to see if she's been here. I like the advice you're sharing. Thank you.

Once again, whithin these forums and threads, I always find some solace, short lived maybe,but a wee repreive now and then and it comes in the caring response from the care and concern I have seen. The psych SHO, who plans to to have home visits daily for a couple of weeks, this keeps me out of hospital, my meds will be under reveiw and this team specializing in acute episodes such as the ones I have takled about earlier. I have recieved such a high standard of care with all departments singing from the same hymn sheet...that was a pleasant suprise which I did not expect.

He was realy reassuring as my notions of phyc's in my past has many shocking and horrible things happened in such intitutions, I witnessed mistreatment of other patients and I could do nothing about it as I was drugged(the shut up tecnique)

I was reassured this time(18yrs past) by a young psychiatrist that the treatment from back then would never happen in this day and AGE it had gone through many changes. I was hanging on by a thread, but knew that hosp would not be an option.

The Doc allowed me to go home on a promise I would take all my meds, and some more which he belived would help me in the short term.
I am not out of the woods yet, by a long shot..but my needs will be met daily for a few weeks, I am still petrified and this that and the other.
Plz bare with me and I will promise not to post about some things when I am too far gone for anyone to comprehend. I will pop in just to update and for some of the care I am being given.... OBoy I sure need, your prayers, can you please be a tad patient, I need to be able to hang out where I am sure is saff

I hear much more hope in your voice than earlier today. So glad to hear you are happy with your care. That's encouraging.

Treatment has changed drastically during the last 20 years. I'm glad you are aware of that and appear less afraid.

I'm more than happy to bare with you Poppie. You keep taking good care of yourself and putting yourself first. Keep reaching out. It will help you heal.

The last book I read was titled Manic. One thing she mentioned was that when she finally was able to lift her head, get out of bed, and make contact with another soul, she knew she was going to be okay, eventually.

Baby steps will soon become toddler steps, and you'll be on your way. I have faith in you Pop!

Po, yes we are 'tad patient', don't need to be, we are that for you. I never realized what you are going through. Bless you chara, and hopefully the new meds will help you find your way.

Eagle and Dotsie, your concern and wise words are well recieved and I will try some of the suggestions put forward. I know you can hear me loud and clear eagle...your posts give me a little hope along with Dots when I am feeling at my most hopeless in these situations.
Angel a chara, I am the mistress of diguise and can conceal the harsher symptoms pretty darn quick, and have done for years.
For me to be afforded the opportunity to come in after being away for so long and find kindness and concern is priceless.

It has been four days sinse sleep or sense have graced my difficulties and I am heart sore and weary(battle fatigue)
The home visit team have just left and I cannot fault them for all of the services provided too.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I am not sure that my insight is a help or a hinderance...but hey, I am not sure of many things at this time. Even when I become so lost in the scariest of the symptoms...one of the things which keeps me distracted is posting while in a bad state. It pulls hard on my focus....so even though takes all night to write one post which is comprehensable. The little wordsmith in me has a fair few wee rules which I stick to fastidiously, despite the three ringed circus in my head. I wont post unless I am happy with the flow, grammer and subject matter are all in sync....just another little tool to help me through.
I re-read my earlier posts and in spite of my thinking and feeling, I still can manage to convey what I need to without a big drama.

I hope you can all stay close as this 'phase' goes through to the other side...I am so greatful for all the guidance and I need it so much.

Thanks Ladies for bolstering me at my most vulnerable, for your kindness and patience shown.

Much Love

Poppie

Your insight Poppie
.words to be read by others..you are a wordsmith

I could write so many things in reply..
I wont..
for its you I care about and my words would be solely for you..so thats why I have been reading with concern but heartened that Eagle and Dotsie have been posting such wisdom.

without sleep you will have heightened awareness..once your medication kicks in things will settle.

Its a new era with more enlightened medical support.
Blessings



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Poppie, gald to hear that posting here brings you a bit of clarity. Does journaling do the same? Just a thought.

I'm carrying you around. Was just thinking of you on the way home from the food store. Praying for rest and best results to the new meds. Peace dear friend!

Dear Poppie, I am so sorry to hear of the terrible chaos in your mind, and the confusion in your heart. I see how going into the hospital would be a bit scary, and perhaps to be avoided. You can get home visits for psych care? That is a good thing! You have been very brave to post your most vulnerable thoughts here. You trusted your boomer sisters to help you through. I see you are safe with what you convey. Love and Light, Lynn