It's probably a great idea whenever A visits you Edelweiss, to drop by to see her Great-Oma. I'm sure the residents would welcome her face again.

I know when my partner's brother brought along their 3-yr. old daughter along, it was a delight for the grandmother at nursing home.

EW, how is your mother transitioning? Will the new home have activities to mentally stimulate the residents? Praying she finds a companion to hang out with.

EW, I've been reading but haven't responded because I don't know where to start.

Please feel good about moving your mom to this facility. It's what's best for her at this stage, and it's better for her to go and make friends while she's still with it.

As far as her belongings are concerned, take only what she needs, and then give yourself time to go through everything in her home. Pace yourself. It all doesn't have to be done yesterday.

As far as being honest with elderly loved ones goes, we've been told about "therapeutic lying" by an eldercare specialist. That's when it's really in the best interest of the elderly to bend the truth a bit for their sake.

A perfect example is breaking tough news to them and telling them it's doctors orders. Or saying that the place they're staying in is taken care of by insurance even if it isn't because if they knew what they were paying, they'd worry more about how long they'll live and if they'll outlive their money, etc. The lying is to protect them from fretting.

Children are great visitors for these places. Take A whenever you can and she'll brighten up everyone's lives. Also, take dogs. The residents love seeing them. Do you play a musical instrument? That's another thing they love, listening to and singing the old songs.

How's Mom adjusting?

Be prepared for her to be a bit worse when she enters because she's giving up her freedom by being there. She'll eventually settle into thier routines, meet new friends and then realize how much richer her life is due to the relationships she's making. Everyone is pretty much in the same boat so they have a lot to connect about.

I look forward to hearing how she's doing. Also wondering ig the AD is working.

My FIL went on an AD (he has Alzheimer's) and it made him so much worse so don't expect miracles. I know it works beautifully in some, but it definitely landed him in the hospital. Look for behavior changes and hopefully they will be for the best and not the worst. Don't mean to be doom and gloom about the AD. Just wanted you to know that it didn't work for him.

Dotsie thank you for your long post.

Today was THE day. My mother’s first night in the senior home.

I thought several times about what you wrote, Dotsie on “therapeutic lying.” And used it at a record breaking rate this morning,…especially when I told my Mom we will load all the cartons of mail and bring them to her this week. (cringe)…good thing her short term memory isn’t what it used to be.

She took the AD only one day, and claims she got diaharea from it. I haven’t had a chance to read the side effects. I also plan to visit her doctor and see if he can make me custodian for her mail. I appreciate you letting me know the medication doesn’t always work. I’m afraid my mother is taking a rapid down spin. I am SO happy she’s in the senior home now.

The staff is just wonderful. I felt like hugging all of them. For me it’s like an extended family helping out as well as they can.

MustangGal, they offer a variety of extra activities; about 4 every day,…from newspaper reading and discussions to gymnastics, singing, and bus excursions. It is so nice there, that I told my sons, when my time comes that’s where I would want to be.

How is my mother trasitioning? She is glad that her life will be easier,..but she doesn’t like me very much right now. I have been strict about her mail. I’m afraid she is looking at me as if I were her enemy. I suppose demence has begun. But my relief to know that she is safe is bigger than anything.

Thank you everyone for asking, your prayers, 'chatty, and just caring.

My very best to you, Edelweiss. I know that this past year has been up and down and down and up. And yet you stay upbeat and you are here for everyone else. Bless you, my friend, you are a great example of love.

How is your mom doing now Edelweiss? Any changes in the mail situation?

Wondering the same.

We visit my FIL several times a week. It's become a big part of our lives. One of the beauties is getting to know all the other residents, and the employees.

EW, are you getting to know the others? Is Mom assimilating?

Dotsie and Chatty, thanks for asking.

We are still in the last throws of moving. This morning I emptied another clothes closet.

My first impressions are heart breaking. I think 99% of the residents suffer under some kind of dementia. At the introduction meeting, the authorities told me about 30% are at my mother’s level. It’s just not true.

That is the toughest revelation, and is literally gnawing away at my conscience. Did I move my Mom too soon? Will she be even lonelier than before?

I now feel like I need to visit her more than before. She is actually being a great trooper about this, and realizes I am worried sick about it. She's been comforting me. Ha! Isn't That the joke of the year?

I will be checking the senior clubs in the city, and hope they can offer some activities for my mother. They do have lots of activities at the home she’s in…but everybody around her falls asleep with open mouths. Oh dear God.

Edelweiss, hope you help your mom find some regular activities that pique her interest. And hopefully she will be buddies with at least 1 resident there who is still alert.

My partner's mom did have 2 friends who befriended her. The friends had minor dementia. His mom's dementia did progress but it helps alot to have a friend to pass the time well. Her bed was adjacent to another resident who herself immigrated to Canada from the Netherlands just after the war. Which was a perfect fit given similar time that his mom immigrated to Canada. So enough for the women to share with one another. The friend also had a son who faithfully visited his mother just like my partner faithfully visited his mom.

The good thing about the facility where she was before she died last year, was that if a resident didn't feel like sleeping for awhile at night, they were allowed to hang out near the nursing station in the wheelchair.

My partner tried to visit his mother at least 3-4 times per wk.

Where waiting to have a "room at the inn" was the norm, would it have helped under any and all circumstances to have made the decision much later, EW?

That someone would be around for your Mom 24/7 is a thought you must try to find comfort for your peace of mind, my friend. I understand fully well how it must be troubling to see other residents in the home who are much more feeble than your Mom. But try to look at it from a different angle. Are they cared for well? If they are, then your Mom would already be in good stead for whatever the future holds for her. Another way to treat your Mom's circumstances now would also be to think that she just moved to smaller accommodations. Much in the same way that one downsized.