Edelweiss, this is so sad, but I can totally relate. We've gotten some eldercare counseling and here's what I recommend.

There's something called therapeutic lying. Sounds pathetic, but it's been a bit helpful in certain areas. Basically what you do (because she does have some dementia) is make up a teeny lie about the mail. Can you tell her that the doctor said she can no longer receive it because it's not in her best interest to become involved with all this mail at her age? Or the nursing home no longer allows mail delivery to the place, that it must come to your home first, then maybe give her a few pieces a week that could come to your home? Something along those lines? We've been told to blame certain situations on the doctor, even if it isn't exactly true, or the staff at the care facility. Do you think that would work?

We had to get the mail sent to our home, which was very sad because getting the paper and mail were daily highlights.

You are so right about wanting the staff to like her. I hope you can turn this around for her.

Watching the elderly age is pitiful. We were visiting my loved one last night. As I've shared, we've made some friends with the residents. I've taken a liking to one woman in particular who lives in the unit next to my FIL. She reminds me of Mom in a way because she was a stay at home mom and raised four kids (Mom raised five). Her husband worked with my dad ages ago which is coincidental.

Anyway, when I went in last night, she began telling me off. She was asking me why I treat her the way I do; roughing her up, pushing her around, talking to her in such a mean voice, etc. She was angry and getting loud. I'd never seen her that way. Ross and I were trying to calm her down, telling her I hadn't even been there, we didn't know what she was talking about, etc. It was awful. I felt attacked even though I know she couldn't help herself.

One of the staff came over and redirected her to her room. She went to her room momentarily, then came back out, sorta recognized me, then began telling me how the staff has been beating her up, smacking her, and pushing her in her room. I know that none of this is true. They may get short with the residents every now and then, but they are never forceful in any way.

These poor elderly people have lost their minds, literally.

Next, a lady whom we often joke around with, walked by us stone-faced, didn't even acknowledge us, went to the door and tried to get out, setting off the alarm.

After we left our loved one, we went out on the parking lot and were talking with my brother-in-law when the nurse came out to get us because our loved one dropped to the floor and they wanted our help. Honestly, we were a wreck when we left there last night. He was absolutely fine. He does this thing where he sorta slowly and gently slithers downt to the floor, never hurting himself, but then won't get up. God only knows what's going through his mind.

I'll be thinking of you delivering this news to your mom. But I recommend taking the blame off yourself. We've been told it's absolutely okay to do this. Please let me know how it goes.