Kate, I never kicked my sons out.

One thing that was very important to me and my husband was letting them know our door is always open to them. My sons are strong independent men. The idea of a safe haven didn’t make them wimpy at all.

One of the most comforting thoughts I had in my life time was that I knew, if I had nowhere to go, my parent’s home was and always would be my home as well.

Our sons came back in intervals, either their business was at rock bottom, or whatever. I’m not saying it was always easy. When they lived in our home as young adults, they sometimes had a terrible chip on their shoulders and seemed to even resent us for the situation they put themselves in. I was hurt and perplexed at the time.

But then I came across an article, that made a lot of sense to me. It’s normal for a young adult sons/daughters to resent the helping hand. It symbolises and reminds him/her of the vulnerable situation they are in. So, I gave my sons a lot of space. The only thing we asked of them is that they have a written plan, and we wanted to see it. I didn’t try to be their consultant, friend or set up rules. Sometimes we didn’t see each other for days. They cooked for themselves and simply did their own thing.

We gave them food and a roof over their heads, without taking away their dignity. That’s when the mutual respect set in.

I totally agree with you, Kate. I hate the term tough- love or referring to your own children as baggage. I never ever used either term. Can’t help but think of all the homeless people during the financial crisis. Why are they living on the streets? Don’t they have family that would take them in?

Lora, it’s hard to deal with young adults children who act without respect. It’s hard enough as parents, so it is probably a good decision to just back off for awhile. If that makes you happier, then it was the right decision.