Kate, you most definitely can bargain with the credit card companies. You have to make your own decisions about whether to forgive his debt (let the state go after him, they'll attach it to his social security!)

Give your daughter an ultimatum (To thine own self be true, Kate)
I want to raise you the the way I believe is best for you. If you will not abide by my rules, go back to your father.

Good luck. You are between a rock and a hard place.
Your daughter is so sweet; talk to her?
Talk to the parents of the friends who are out doing things after midnight?
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