Thank you for your responses. I have been discussing this with BF, and he feels guilty because they were apart for so long. I can understand why he feels that way and it's perfectly normal for father and son to exhibit this behavior. However, BF wants his son to be a man and he admires my son,(who is 35 and is a good dad, responsible, decent husband and good worker)- something needs to change or this kid won't become a productive member of society.

They've had a year together, well, 6 months until I came along. I don't want to wait for 5 years while they make up lost time.

We aren't living together, but I spend a lot of time at their house on the weekend. The son likes me and I like him, but I see trouble ahead if we end up together.

Anne, I'm pretty hard when it comes to keeping bad people out of my life, but since I trust this man, and believe he has good character, I want to have a softer heart. Without being stupid. I've met his friends, parents and have no reason not to go forward, except for this.