As many of you know, my father died 4 weeks ago, and our mother has alzhiemer's. Dad's dying was a complete surprise, except for the fact that he was 84.

My sister lives in London and my brother lives in California. None of us are particularily close or distant. Just family relationships that work well for the most part.

This past month we have risen to the occasion. Each, of course, in our own way. There is nothing special here to report, but I am proud of my siblings and myself. We are proving to have moved beyond our petty differences and work together to sort all of this out.

Rather cool, don't you think?

Very cool, Anno. How's your Mom? Can she travel and come to London to visit?

Heck no. She'd be freaking out wondering where she was.

Her travel days are long over. It's a lot of work just to get her to get into a car. She gets too confused.

We will probably move her to Minneapolis by fall. I am in the process of looking for places right now.

I, however, will return to London with Dennis, soon. And, maybe a trip to Scotland to meet Ms. Mt. Ash???????

I read an article recently on this very topic: siblings in our age group pulling together to care for family. It isn't easy. Anno, you go through a lot in this life. God bless you!

Good for you Anno. And to your siblings much respect. My sisters and I are just beginning conversations on how we are all going to be sharing time and care for my mom in the very near future. My dad is still around but with some health issues that have come to light in the last few days, he may not be able to handle what appears to be just around the corner.

Mom goes to an oncologist on Monday for more tests.

It is so wonderful to read about the experiences of others to let us know we are not alone on this journey with our parents.

Kathleen, how is your mom?

I've experienced eldercare from a few perspectives. Caring for mom when she was given six months to live and died at home with hospice care after Dad and all five of her children caring for her everyday.

My MIL who lived in a retirement community but had several health issues and needed company and rides to doctors, etc. Her last year she couldn't drive due to macular degeneration. Very sad.

And currently we visit my FIL many times a week who is in an Alzheimer's facility. Again, very sad to watch him literally lose his mind.

And I take dinner to Dad once a week with several other visits at different times of the day throughout the week.

I always heard people say that when the kids are gone, you begin taking care of your parents. Dang if this hasn't been the truth for us.

Thank you for asking Dotsie. Mom is doing better, but just yesterday my dad was taken to emergency. He was having a decline in his ability to walk, running out of energy by just going from the bedroom to the bathroom, agitation and headaches.

The docs ran standard tests and kept saying, "we can find anything."

That is until an xray and MRI that revealed 3 lesions on his brain. Further testing today to see if it could have started as cancer elsewhere in his body.

It's amazing how we suddenly get plopped in the middle of a completely different experience and become fast experts due to spending hours trying to find out every bit of information we can.

I have to say, some of what I found is disheartening. What brings comfort is knowing others in this forum have been through similar situations or are going through it.

Tomorrow we hope to have more answers.

Kathleen

Kathleen, you certainly have a full plate. My heart goes out to you as your travel this journey. If you ever need a shoulder, I'm here.

Anno, we found the same thing when my dad was diagnosed with Lewy-Body Dementia, and mom with breast cancer, at the same time. My sisters (4) and I pulled together, formed tag teams, if you will, and scheduled everything out. Neither parent was ever alone and I believe dad had the best of care until the day he died. When he did, there were five daughter surrounding his bedside. Mom survived and is 81, god love her. But we talk with her daily, still take trips and vacations together, and we never leave her alone...we are very involved in her life.

The sibling rivalry is still there, just buried for the time being. We've joked and said wonder how mom and dad are going to referee from heaven, once she is gone.

I admire all of you for caring after your parents. It is so telling of the blessed nature of your characters. God bless and may you always find a full storm jar.

Kathleen, while I know you are on crutches, perhaps this slower pace was intended for you to have time to just sit and be with your parents. Praying you are able to find some peace with all that's happening in your life right now.

I toally agree about being plopped into something new. We went through similar when Mom was diagnosed with cancer, and now again with my FIL and Alzheimer's.

There are still gifts along the way. We visited my FIL later than usual last night and found him to be in great spirits. Though he was confused, he was very pleasant and loving; wanting everything to be okay with loved ones. It was very sweet.

Look for the good!

Hello Kathleen,
I haven't been around much lately, so I am just catching up on your new situation. I completely relate to your statement about being dumped in the middle of something new and all of the learning that goes along with these type of situations.

It's not always easy to see the silver linings, but we need to keep on trying. I now have mom over every Sunday, and it would be so easy to resent this. But, she says the nicest things to me (over and over and over and over - she, too, has alz) that each time we get together, I feel better afterwards.

You are on crutches on top of all of these changes? Whoa, girl. Take good care of yourself. Relax, enjoy life when you are able, and look for the bright side if you are able.

Over the weekend my dad was given the diagnosis of brain, lung and kidney cancer. We visit the oncologist tomorrow for the results of the lung biopsy.

I am very blessed to be a member of a family where everyone is stepping up to the plate.

My sisters and I have had conversations about being as loving and gentle with one another as we can. And to realize we each want the best for both my mom and dad.

I am so proud of you for pulling together. Take care.

Lynn
www.writeradvice.com
Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers