I read that in a book: "When Love Goes Wrong...What To Do When You Can't Do Anything Right"...probably 10 years ago; one of the authors has since died.

That statement made such an impact on me. Violence is violence, just as rape is rape, etc......it somehow quantifies it as different?

I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group, and overcame and transcended a childhood of abuse and poverty, only to "marry" the original abuser and try to fix the past.

After 36 years of abuse, I found the courage to do the only thing that terrified me (be alone)...get a divorce.

I didn't understand there was a name as to what was happening to me: VERBAL Abuse, until I found the book that named it and saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans; I feel this book should be required reading for everyone on the planet. 1 in 3 women are being abused; I have written 3 papers; one of them is called: "Society's Hidden Epidemic''Verbal Abuse--Precursor to all violence and a Form of Biochemical Assault."

I am passionate about the subject and have been writing to the media for over 10 years.

Perhaps my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice).....being edited by ChattyLady ...by the way.....will open up a dialogue or get me on Oprah, finally!

www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com (what happened to me when I got a divorce)...oh, great....now I know about spiritual....abuse

I went back to school at age 61,and won a women's scholarship; I was 1 of 10 receipients out of 1,600 applicants in the U.S. and Canada; it was easy; all I had to do was write about my life.

I've taken the horror and poverty and have done something positive with it (memoir).....I believe I was meant to do that.

Love to all, Alice (over comer and wounded-healer)

But it is different. Not better or excusable, but different. (And please let me say good on you for recognizing your situation and eventually getting out of it). Domestic violence tells me partner, often love connection, ongoing verbal or physical abuse, victim often blamed or blames herself, shame at admitting it, often refuses to cooperate with law enforcement because of emotional attachments and lack of resources.

But, you know, people already know this is violence; because of their own histories or phychological situation they don't respond to it the way they'd respond to a smacking by a stranger. If some stranger belted you in a store you'd likely press charges, no question. You wouldn't be wondering what you did to deserve that black eye or try to hide the results from your relatives -- or tell the police that you were sure he'd stop. But just as we don't treat our family members the same way we treat outsiders, we have these complicated emotional feelings about abuse that occurs from someone we know.

Maybe you are correct, though: if we just referred to it as violence we might raise the bar: the batterers could expected to be tried -- no excuses that their religion permits it or they were being nagged -- and the victims would be expected to treat the assaults just as they would something from a stranger. No hiding and no pretending it was nothing.

Right now, though, -- even though it doesn't happen enough, we know that women who are abused need extra help in breaking the cycle of abuse (men too when they are the battered ones) -- and these folks should get it. You know, that's why a lot of states have passed laws permitting the the batterer to be prosecuted without help from the victim -- because someone has to step in and often the victim just can't find it in herself to do it because of fear of consequences. We have a long way to go, that's for sure.

As I said....violence is violence...whether it happens in a home or outside.....we don't need to use the word "domestic"...it is irrelevant.

Yes, we have a long way to go, and I will never stop writing to the media, etc....to get that message out there.

I have written 3 papers (as I may have mentioned) on verbal abuse, and submitted one for the American Counseling Association Convention, next year.

Hi Alice. I'd like you to visit my apartment complex.

My nice neighbor downstairs came to my door (after the police arrived) the night her boyfriend held a knife to her throat. She went back to him and they moved out last month.

My new, single neighbor across the hall from me (2nd floor) has a child. Two weekends ago she had a fight with a guy while holding her front door open so I could hear everything. Screaming so loud I peeped through the peephole (that's what it's for, right?) She's yelling, "Get out of my house!" at the top of her lungs and he's tanding next to her saying, "Let me stay." While I watched he spit in her face. I don't know if she threw the knife at him before or after that happened.

They went downstairs and I yelled out the window that she should call 911 or I would. A guy friend of hers came by and they went upstairs. The police came. I did not call them.

Violence is everywhere. At home, in the schoolyard, in the workplace. I surely hope you find the source so it can be knocked out.

Looking for the end to domestic and any kind of violence is like discovering the 'holy grail', or like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!! In fact it has escalated to the extreme and with our economy the way it is, more and more men are likely to be killing their entire family and then themselves. We are in a serious meltdown ladies and I for one am scared to death about the outcome. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but fact is fact!

1 in 3 women are being abused...those are horrifying statistics. Unless we bring up our children to be respectful of themselves and others, the violence will not end. It's a recursive cycle.....generation to generation. My sister and I stopped that cycle.

I will never stop trying to get the message out there; my goal is to eventually get on a talk show or national news show.

I got the feeling you didn't listen to a single word I said, but that's fine; maybe I was babbling. Best wishes to you.

Not sure what you mean; perhaps you can help me understand?

Best wishes to you, also

I have been invited to speak on the subject on the radio shortly, and will do my best to get the message out there.

I firmly believe that an individual's emotions, behaviors and beliefs stem from childhood. Therefore, abused children display their underlying pain through anger and exhibit their abusive parent's behavior. I believe that when a child has been physically, emotionally, and verbally abused, they may feel as if they have to work twice as hard to be half as good as others.

Ellmann, I understand what you are saying; that there IS a difference between domestic violence and plain old violence. Domestic violence being; the victim isn't always able to prosecute for personal reasons.

Alice, I wish you the best of luck with your radio interview. Just alone on this site, there are several authors who have written books on this subject.