Yes, I agree with you Ellman....and Edelweiss, I never thought of it like that.....for prosecution reasons.....but there is no difference between domestic violence or any other kind of violence. It is the same when they call it "date" rape.....that makes me crazy too......adding different words to something that is simply....violence or rape.

Thankyou Edelweiss for good wishes on the radio interview; I hope someday to go national with that message!

Working in schools, we spend quite a bit of time trying to prevent bullying. Bullying is a form of violence. Gossip and rumors is another form of violence.

To me, anything that hurts another, purposefully, is a form of violence.

In many regards, I like the different terms. There is almost a hierarchy of violent acts. If a person gets away with one form, they may move up the scale to a more horrible form.

I am not a fan of domestic violence, as a term, however. Domestic violence runs the same continuum as any other sort of violence. There is verbal, bullying, physical, emotional, and others. Sometimes there is only one form, other times many forms.

In response to the "date rape" term, I think it is important to acknowledge that many (most, perhaps???) rapes are perpetrated by someone a woman/girl may know. Rape done by relatives is called incest, by a stranger simply rape, by a married couple - I do not know the term, but surely there must be one.

Violence is violence, I agree, and horrid and punishable, no matter the form of violence. But, for me, the labels are important for the purposes of prevention. If we know what forms of violence are taking place, they are more easily preventable by knowledge, before hand, and prosecution, after the fact.

My rant is done.

Thanks to you all for bringing up such relevant and thought provoking conversation. For the purpose of prosecution, different states have different definitions of domestic violence, sexual assault, and the degrees. I used to wonder about the term "domestic violence" until I worked as a victim advocate, and had to go to court with victims. That is how I learned of the reasons for labels/definitions. Here's the definition I used April 2008 for the NABBW seminar: (I hope this helps to clear up the reasoning for definitions; I also hope we always keep the lines of communication open on this subject)

GENERAL DEFINITION OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OCCURS WHEN ONE PERSON USES INAPPROPRIATE POWER & CONTROL OVER AN INTIMATE PARTNER.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A PATTERN OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS.

THESE ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS MAY INCLUDE

VERBAL
SEXUAL
PHYSICAL
ECONOMIC
EMOTIONAL



LEGAL DEFINITION OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 18-6-800.3

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MEANS AN ACT OR THREATENED ACT OF VIOLENCE UPON A PERSON WITH WHOM THE ACTOR IS OR HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ALSO INCLUDES ANY OTHER CRIME AGAINST A PERSON OR AGAINST PROPERTY OR ANY MUNICIPAL ORDINANCE VIOLATION AGAINST A PERSON OR AGAINST PROPERTY, WHEN USED AS A METHOD OF COERCION, CONTROL, PUNISHMENT, INTIMIDATION OR REVENGE DIRECTED AGAINST A PERSON WITH WHOM THE ACTOR IS OR HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.

INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP MEANS A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SPOUSES, FORMER SPOUSES, PAST OR PRESENT UNMARRIED COUPLES, OR PERSONS WHO ARE BOTH THE PARENTS OF THE SAME CHILD REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THE PERSONS HAVE BEEN MARRIED OR HAVE LIVED TOGETHER AT ANY TIME.

Prepared by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story, http://www.beyondthetears.com

In response to Ellemm's comments, I learned this: law enforcement dread going on DV calls. However, if there is a brawl at a bar, they can't wait to break it up. Please no offense is meant to those who are in the law enforcement field. Also, in some states, when the cops go on a DV call, someone will be arrested. I have seen the victim arrested, even with fresh bruises and black eyes! I just had the thought that it is ok to use "domestic violence" because there was a time that no one used that term, or knew what it meant. Can we go about changing the term just when the world is beginning to wake up to its meaning? PL

Statistically, law enforcement officers are at their highest danger in responding to domestic violence calls; there is a strong likelihood that one or both people will turn on the cops and start assaulting them. If someone is waving a gun around, the initial victim *and* the cops might get shot. And then there's the problem when someone gets arrested and the other partner suddenly either lets out a lot of pent-up emotion, or the beater threatens the woman, or she starts hitting the cops.

So yeah, there's actually more 'order,' so to speak, in breaking up a bar fight. There's just no way to know how dangerous a domestic situation is and plenty of police have been killed responding to these complaints. (Of course, that doesn't mean they shouldn't respond because that's what they are there for, but I can see why they would dread going on these calls. Add in scared children and neighbors who want to weigh in and it could easily be a nightmare. And, you know, sometimes they get called to the same places again and again. Helping to break that cycle is something we should all be concerned with.)

I am in the "trenches" every day trying to make a difference.....

Love, Alice

Yes, you are Alice, and making a difference every day. xxoo

There are a lot of domestic violence abusers that work w/in the law enforcement fields, too.

What a horrible story......it happens every day. 1 in 3 women are being abused. Until we are educated, it will never stop.

The cost to society is staggering also....court costs, jail, emergency room, shelters, lost wages, time off from work, school etc., etc........

If we don't teach our children respect, they will continue (when they are being abused at home) to repeat that recursive cycle....the "wheel of violence."

Unfortunately thousands of abused women are living in fear, silence and shame and don't know of the resources available, or they are too frightened to reach out.

Verbal abuse is literally....brainwashing. How horrifying is that! "Society asks the wrong question (why does she stay)...the proper question......why does he abuse?

Okay, off my soapbox (for now), LOL

Oh,,,p.s. Abuse (all abuse) is a CHOICE....if it were not the abuser would abuse EVERYONE that aggravates them. Instead, it is all done in silence behind closed doors.

Ellemm, I tend to agree with your statement that law enforcement hate going out to domestic violence calls, the other day I called because the neighbors next to us( before we moved for those who know I am in a new place) woke me at 6 am this past Sunday morning,they were yelling and he was choking her and when they came out they broke it up and the woman got her stuff out and soon left , but later that day she was back and they were drinking and having a good ol time. Its some times a wonder why others call.