Its good for me to have these kinds of supports in place and a far cry from what it used to be like. My doc came out to see me yesrerday to see me with the perpitetic assistance. Nothing has changed bar one of my medicines have been reaised three times of what it used to be..this was done to sort put my insomnia and the three ringed circus in my head. I feel it working in my head...such a huge dose of medicine,(which has me very groggie)

I am supprised to have the ability to think at all and I aplologise in advance if I go off in a tangent.

I sat last night and put all of my night meds in their own individual boxes, from Monday till Monday, counting up each milligram as I went along, crying as I went along as I added each dose till the last one..until the end it ammounted to 7,450 mils each dose!!!!I cryed some more....Is this it for the rest of my life?This too shalll pass is one well trodden psth and platitude
I am so tired of the routines both niight abd day. So very tired.

Poppie

Poppie. I too am bipolar, but type II so I deal mainly with severe depression and very little with mania. I am on 3 different meds at the moment and used to wonder if it would be that way for a lifetime. Now I have let go of that worry because life on these meds is worth living, I'm happy, connected and enjoying people once again. To be without the meds is just plain painful. Hang in there, it sounds like you have a good professional support system. And remember that getting just the right combination of meds often takes some trial and error.
I just dropped into the forum after being gone a year or two because I missed the on-line friends. There is nothing but love and caring here, let that compassion be a part of your support team!

{{{{Poppie}}}}

I wish I could give a hug in person. I don't have experience in what you're going through but send love and caring.

When we come full circle to who we really are, that is how we find the way forward. Be brave.

Poppie, we're all holding you close, daily. We are reading, getting the updates you give, and care, very much. So even if you don't see one or two of us responding here too much, please don't think we aren't listening and praying for you to have a healthy mind, body, and spirit. We care very much!

Whenever you feel up to it, give us an update. Love coming your way, my friend.

Poppie, I put you in my suitcase when I went to the beach and carried you there in thought and prayer. Am home again, and continue to think about you.

I know the amount of meds might seem a bit threatening, but so what. If they make you feel better, it has to be worth it.

I have a friend who is dealing with a similar acceptance of being medicated for life. If the medicine helps, what the heck. Why not. I hope you will soon be able to put a positive spin on that piece of healing.

Poppie, you were in my thoughts as I took my medication this morning. I hope that they will be able to find the right balance for you, sooner rather than later. Hang in there, we are all pulling for you. Let us know how you are doing, we care.

Checking in on Poppie. Anyone heard from her?

Hello Ladies,
just plucking up a wee bit of courage to pop in and say Hi, give a wee update too. I am still receiving the support mentioned earlier, but boy is this hard, hard work. My meds are still being tweaked and as my HRT was changed a few weeks ago too..it is still making for a rough ride.
No need for hospital even though the down cycles are very erratic. I can't over the terror that ensues when the light leaves my life even for just a little while, and whilst I know I am being cared for in little pockets all over the place..I know that this is a battle I will ultimatly do alone, I have to turn this whole thing around, change many things which drag me further into an abyss....and I am a wee cuddy(girl)who doesn't like change very much. However, it's a commin'. I have to take many steps back before I can try tentativley going forward.

Again, for all the care shown here, I can't express what it means to me just now as always..to the most since I have been around ya'll, I can say for sure that it has been incredibly consistant. It still amazes me that for probably a very long while before joining boomers..how much emotional 'stuff', whether good bad or indifferent....I get the opprotunity to be true to me with this forum. For that gift to have been given so very readily to me, my god opened this little window of light to guide in dark, in joy, in love, in tears, in anger, in pain, in happiness...you name it, I get it.

With big Loves
Poppie

'I have had enough'

I have had enough
sadness,
enough of the sad
rattle of shells
and stones
dragged
back and fourth
each day
by the rising,
receding tides.
It is time
to gather up
those memories
lost in my depths
memories delicate
as shells,
enduring as stone.
I will wash them
ashore, sweep them
higher than
any tide,
I will carry them
home,
be proud of them.
They are all I have
to help me know
when the sadness
began,
that made me
who I am.

Po, your poem says it all, and it shows hope and determination. I pray the tide will take your sorrow and give you back peace of mind.

Good to see you Poppie.

I love the seashore your poem is beautiful and meaningful

One to keep in my special folder..