Dee, I am so sorry for what was done to you. You wrote: "For some reason she just did not want to give me permission to do anything that was normal during my teen years." It seems to me that she did not want you to become a woman 1) then she'd have to "compete" with you 2) then she could not control you. Di, that's a good question: "Do I need to start wondering why they don't include their Dad so much..is there something "hidden" that I do not know? Or, is it just the "divorce thing" that has ruined this family???" MA, what makes you wish you were adopted? You're adopted here, you know. My father married a much younger woman; she was not old enough to be the "mother" of my older brother, and she would have to be 13 to have me. She bewitched me. At 10, I fell in love with her. She was everything my mother wasn't. (well, my step mother was a prositute. That's a hard word to learn when you are 10,11.) My step mother also had a daughter who she did not know who the father was. The daughter, about 4 years younger than I, could do no wrong. I trusted my step-mother when I met her at age 9. When I was 19, she betrayed me. My stepmother ****"She zapped me with her witch’s brew of bad luck and ill will. She took my worst fear and threw it back in my face. She turned a friend into an enemy. For nearly a decade, we had been allies as we witnessed the worst together. With her attack on me, the daughter of my father, she was ending our enigmatic relationship as adversaries.****I could never be a step mother. I don't have the inner security it takes to "step" in and parent. My step father was a tyrant, but like Dees and her step mother, he and I have had our moments of forgiveness, now, while my mother is on her death bed. I'm getting myself depressed. Dee, I was only going to say I feel for you, I embrace you. I took the sugar cube.

PL I said there are times when I want to be adopted.
Yes these times are now.
Too tender a subject to try to analyise.Especially in answer to your long post.where other topics are discussed.
I am aware my care/teachers role as a career somewhat balanced that.Disengaing from a career brings interesting facts to the surface...only someone who understands that stage could put their finger on the loss.

My little cat..she filled that niche...now my stray does that on her terms.
It is a feeling that music evokes..sculpture..in particular a Russian artist who has a gallery in Glasgow..his work moves me to tears.
Were I to rush around...clean endlessly.. shop..
chatter I would no feel this need. It is in learning to be at peace with the here and now that I have the need for someone?/something? older and wiser.
MA

MA, this is so true "Disengaing from a career brings interesting facts to the surface.."
You are wise.

Facts to the surface...to be faced attended to and processed.
I saw an Alan Ackbourne play (he writes so well about social issues)where a tap dancer led a class of adult beginners.
Each had their reason for being "busy"
My way is to be still and know that God is there on hand to guide me..
MA

The play was "Stepping Out"

I was blessed with a wonderful step mother.

My parents divorced when I was 12 with no warning. I was shocked to say the least.

I hated my step-mom at first -- her and my dad were so affectionate, and I never saw that with my natural parents.

Over time, I grew to love her. She left the parenting and discipline up to my Dad (they both were counselors...she went on to get her Doctorate in psychology) She played the roll of mentor/friend. She took me shopping for special occasions, and was just a good roll model of what a healthy woman acts like, and gave me a picture of what a healthy marriage looks like as well.

We were close for many year into my late 20's. Unfortunately, we had a huge falling out that has never really been repaired. In the past I called her to see if we could talk through it, and she was never willing. I was heartbroken.

I've learned though, to let go of those things I can't change. I'm just not willing to grovel for relationships with people who don't want to come half way.

I am very thankful for the time I had with my Dad and Step-Mom. I learned so much from them.

I am coming into the roll of step-parenting a 10 year old boy, and believe I can have the same impact on his life, that my step-mom had on mine.

Amazing how God does that, huh?!

Danita, while reading, I was thinking about your new role as a step. It's nice that you have something to look back on. Perhaps that will hlep you with your step-parenting, maybe in setting boundaries.

Sorry to hear about that broken relationship. I'm assuming they are both still living...

I feel very lucky to have a positive experience to draw upon - in going forward to help raise my fiance's 10 year old!

They are both living, but because of degrees in psychology, think they know it all. My dad is willing to have a limited relationship - my step-mom will barely speak to me.

I'm not interested in superficial, low deapth relationships...so it is what it is. I try to call my Dad periodically to check in....that's about it.

It amazes me what people will let severe a relationship.

:0(

Your comment about their degrees made me chuckle. I know people without psychology degrees who think they know it all too. Not much fun to be around.