Oh, I can relate. Totally. There are still days when I catch myself thinking that he's just working too hard and that's why he hasn't been able to drop by...then it hits me. Argh! It does hurt, probably more than at first, because the absence has been longer and we've never gone this long without seeing each other.

Guilt is a natural part of grief, and it's okay. It will eventually melt into a recognition that living our lives joyfully (carpe diem, seizing the moment) is the best way to honour their lives and memories. That's why we've been traveling so much...we've been using the money that we got from Gary's estate to "see the world" that he never got to see. I've always wanted to travel far and wide and see everything I could possibly see - what better time to do it than NOW! And I felt Gary's joy and approval and blessing every step of the way. I think that we can eventually believe that they ARE watching over us, rooting us on, cheering us toward the best possible life we can live for ourselves. We're meant to live abundantly, and wherever they are they know that now. So they want us to live as abundantly as possible. That doesn't mean moving beyond their memories, but learning from their death just how fragile and precious OUR lives are...and how important it is to not wait to live our dreams but to go and do NOW.

We're now looking into a cruise/tour through China and south-east Asia, possibly as early as this fall. Who could ever have imagined me, poor as a church mouse a mere decade ago, even contemplating a trip to China!!! But that's Gary's influence...I just know that if I'm ever going to do it, it has to be now.