Ann, you have to be a psychiatrist to figure all of this out. No more questions. Just prayers.

Went to court today with my mom. After an hour and a half they appointed me as the official State care taker for her. OMG, that was all ready clear after the first 3 minutes…but they seem to need to fill their time.

My mother was sweet, admiring the judge’s tie,…and I could bring across the urgency of getting the official certificate. Now I’m able to cancel all the zillions of orders my mother has made around the world. Next step is to the bank, and letting them know that all future transactions go only through me.

Whew.. I feel like breaking out the champagne.

The authorities were more then careful not to overstep their rights and take too much control. My mother had three different psychiatrists and a caretaker represent her side of the story. Although it was more than obvious she needs help and a guiding hand, it was comforting to know that such cases are treated thoroughly and with great respect for the person in question.

There is a lesson in here somewhere; and that is be prepared for your old age as well as you can. If my mother didn’t have me, she would have ended up as a messy, half buried in her scam mail, without a penny to her name. It’s so important to prepare and get information on how to seek help, especially if you have no family member there for you.

A respectful process, that is a testament to your country.

So will you act upon the lesson learned?

Anno, although, I have two sons, I will prepare for my old age as if I didn't have anyone. The key is money, I know. But if you don't have enough to go to a decent senior home, then as long as you are of sound mind and body, you should inquire what to do in such a situation; - even if it means moving to a part of your country, where your dollar can go alot further.

I know easier said than done...and who wants to think of that anyway. It's just that the last few months have been all encompassing what my mother is concerned. It's alot of running around, and inquiring about what benefits you can get. You have been doing alot of that for Dennis, so I'm sure you know what I mean.

Absolutely agree with all this, EW.
I'm so glad that you are able to help your mother from being ripped off by becoming her power of attorney. My partner managed his mother's financial affairs directly until her death...not that she had much in last few years. There were some strange scam phone calls that came through that indicated the callers were targetting this dementia woman.

As for taking away your keys, meaning car keys....folks it's not so bad if you start reducing your driving and rethink about transportation options/combining trips. And I say this, to women who no longer have the daily demands of young children/babies. One simply has to plan properly in the future to choose to live in a home near services...better to change lifestyle now..slowly..and at your lifestyel pacing, not when drastic measures are forced upon you when you are truly weak.

EW and orchid, all good points, and ones I've been thinking about lately due to FIL and own dad.

Dad and I were talking about a distant relative moving into a retirement home. They need close to 200,000. to move in, then there's a month fee. The fees are about 2 grand a month. Now this is a generation whose home mortgages were probably less than a thousand dollars. Don't you think they must all be shaking in their shoes? It's too expensive to grow old, at least in the states.

EW, I got a kick out of your mom commenting on the tie. What a hoot. I hope you can get all of her finances figured out. It's not an easy task. Ross has had to do it for his dad in recent years. It's a big responsibility, but I'm sure you're totally capable.

I hope she doesn't resent you for this. We have found that having regular financial statements to share with the loved ones is beneficial becasue they want to know their financial state of affairs, and I don't blame them.

In the Alzheimer's home, one of the hardest things for the men and women to give up are their wallets and purses. They just can't understand that they are no longer needed. It's very sad. Does your mom carry a purse around her community?

Taking away the wallet, I never thought of that Dotsie. My partner just told me now, that he "compromised" by simply having only $20.00 in her wallet by her bed.

You know, it would really bother me if someone took away my wallet. But I suppose at least I am comforted that I could assign with choice from several family members, to handle financial matters.

Dotsie, mom is fine with the decision. She recognizes the fact that she has lost control and needs help. She also stated to the doctor loud and clear that she trusts her daughter fully.

But then, today she called me almost panicky. I should come right over and write out a check so she can enter a lotto contest. I simply told her I‘ll do that tomorrow.
I have stopped trying to talk her out of it. It’s no use. At least she can’t write out any more checks herself, thank the judiciary system for that.

I opened an account at the senior home for my mother. She gets a monthly pocket money,
which she probably withdraws and sends the cash to scam artists. There is no way I can control that, but it is a sum she can afford to lose. And yes, my Mom is the little old lady with her pocketbook glued under her arm.

Your story about the sweet cuddly old lady warmed my heart. I think the sense of touch is as important as ever in old age. She recognized you as you are, Dotsie; a caring person.

Orchid, It’s good that you have thought about how to handle things in old age. You are so very fortunate to have sisters you can trust.

I just read this thread through, and welled up a bit. Really, this is like logging, and it truly helps to work things out.

Tomorrow I will tell my mother that she will get no more mail. I tried cancelling the spam jerks...but that was a joke. They probably never even read my mail or cared to see the copy of my care giver licence. Anyhow,...mom continues to correspond with them and send cash orders.

I have no idea how to break this news to her. She will be devastated. The mail will be sent to me, I can filter it out and bring her her private mail…so it’s not like she won’t get any. But you have to picture this;

…My mother waiting every morning for the mail to come. She collects her 30 – 40 letters daily, dumps them on her table, files them with the present date, and opens one after the other filling our orders, crying with delight at the promised winnings, and stuffing her drawers, her bookshelves and cabinets with the mail she files away.

Cutting down the mail didn’t work. She found the piles, the nurses had put away…( yes, she saw them in their stationary office), and made a huge ugly scene. Their reaction was telling me to deal with it. It’s not their job to keep my mother’s mail back. Her mail issue is almost a daily issue at the senior home. She has become unpopular among the nurses. She is bitter, mistrusting, and plain old bitchy. This is not good. And it’s only detrimental for her in the long run if the staff can’t stand her. So I see no other choice than cutting off her mail…cold turkey…so to speak.

How in dickens will I break this news to her, without her falling into a deep end? By the way, the psychiatrists all said my mother doesn’t have Alzheimer’s. She has the normal demence for people her age,…but what she has is a mail addiction problem, which is as bad as an alcoholic or drug problem. She will get withdrawal systems. Isn’t this crazy?

Can anyone give me advice how to break this news to her? I really don’t know how to go about it. I would really appreciate any tips or advice.