CF, you said "either extreme." That's true, healing is on a continuum, like a slider, backward to one extreme, forward to another. Dee, I was like you, not know what it was, until many years later. On the brighter side, I learned that what healing we have experienced can not be reduced. Healing is cumulative. Sure, we can have triggers and set backs, but the healthy parts of us rise to meet the challenge. When you know that you've been triggered, you are healing. For example, I can be triggered by discovery of a lie. I know that this lie in the here and now is not a lie that is going to lead to DV or SA. So, that's healing. When an individual is questioning those crazy Christmas dynamics, that is healing. That person knows enough to question for herself, make decisions on her own, and make changes for the better. That is healing. So, yes, there can be a mid point on the continuum. Our spirits long to be whole and complete.