I had a talk with my border/student today and things are ok. He told me it was not what I thought. She came through the window in the morning with another person. I had heard them talking. Regardless it was not ok and he knows it. He has been sheepish as he feels bad. At least he apologized.

As for kids having boyfriends/girlfriends sleeping over. I will stand my ground. I have heard that from others "they are doing it anyway" so what. That doesn't make it ok. If they do it anyway they will have to deal with sneaking around. Letting them do it in my house when I don't think it's right is just going to teach them that I'm wishy washy. I don't think that is a good message to send. Why are we so afraid to stand up to our kids. We are not their friends, well we are parents first, role models.

Yes it is all about respect for them and us. They want to live like free adults without any of the responsibilities. One day and it will be a long time from now when they have kids they will get it. So, for now at least they are aware that I stand for something and I am not going to change for them. It's about being a mentor and teaching by example. They will have to choose one day what they stand for.

Kate

Great to get an apology from him. He definitely knows right from wrong. Good for you to approach him about it.

I recall the first night Ross and I slept in my parents home AFTER we were married. We were living in Philly and came home for a visit. I think we hardly kissed. It still did't feel right.

But I have a funny story about someone who got rug burns on her knees because they were at the parent's home and didn't want the bed to squeek. The next day she walked out with these red spots on her knees and everyone wanted to know what happened... I still laugh about that one.

Yes we were all young once, sometimes it's good to remember that while we are laying down the rules. Be more understanding instead of demanding and critical.

I have a few of those rug burn stories of my own but won't share them :-) That gave me a chuckle.

Kate

Glad you got a laugh. Hope you're haiving a nice weekend. HAve you found your new home yet?

Yes, finally I got a really nice place, expensive though but could be worse. At least I have a paying student that helps with the rent.

My daughter is moving with us.

My ex is now in panic mode. We have a court date May 28th, which he initiated. He is trying to cancel the child support order because he has/had my daughter with him. He figured since I had one, and he had the other he should just pay nothing. He has an outstanding balance of arrears over $8,000.00

I responded to his court notice that I thought his taking me to court was pre-mature as my daughter may move back in with me. Well that is exactly what is happening.

Now he wants to work out a deal with me and not go to court. Why, because he will look kind of stupid saying he has both kids
(my eldest is 24 so doesn't count re: child support anymore)
when he has neither of them. The judge will ask him why he wants to cancel the child support order. He has some explaining to do.

Also the gov't body that collects arrears is threatening him with a hearing to give him jail time. I hope that doesn't happen but he needs to get it. I have been dealing with this for so many years now. I'm tired of it.

Kate
(It's a nice long weekend though so I'm going to go have coffee with friends and forget about it for now)

wow, Kate, sounds good! Good luck in court.

Kate, go to court. If you don't and then need to go later you will not be taken seriously. The same with the outfit that will collect what that slug owes you in back child support. Hang tough, let them fight your fight you have done your part lady. All these men need to be taught that they CAN'T HAVE THEIR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO...

Keep us posted Kate. How's your daughter doing, now that she is the process in settling back in at home?

It would be so great to have a magic ball. After going through all of this I have learned so much. My daughter now gets it about why I kept visits with her Dad at a minimum when they were younger.

Apparently his temper is alive and well and he has yelled at my daughter on more than one occasion. When he gets angry he is very scary. She has had enough and is relieved to be home. She is here most of the time and will officially move with us end of the month. At the moment her bed etc. is at her Dad's and my student has her room so she has to sleep on the couch which is fine by her.

My ex either doesn't get it or doesn't want to. I work two jobs but fortunately can do most of my work from home so have always been around for my kids.

The ex has a live in and they have three kids, the youngest is there child. The eldest moved out because of my ex's temper. The other girl (not his) has to put up with him. She is only 10. My daughter says he is terrible to her and she feels sorry for her.

Anyway, the Mom rarely works, my ex is always finding himself unemployed and it's always every one else's fault. The gov't body that monitors my child support are evil people trying to destroy him (his exact words) he calls on me and asks me to call them off. I really can't do this. I can but it would not be in my best interests. I just keep telling him to call them, not me. All the while he collects child support from the Dad of the 10 year old and if he is late or misses they go after him. Nuts!

Anyway, I am happy to have my daughter home with me. It's not always going to be easy but she knows where I stand around rules. If this hadn't happened she may always wonder about it and maybe romanticize about how much better it would be with her Dad. Now she knows.

I am a firm believer in natural consequences. It's the best way to learn a lesson. I could have told her it was a bad idea but she would not have listened. She had to find out for herself.

Kate

It’s like giving birth….the memory of the pain diminishes when you hold your child in your arms.