BTW, I just thought of something else. Have you ever investigated the concept of "scapegoating"? It's a very interesting phenomenon, and worth reading about. It helped me to understand my own situation much better. It doesn't "fix" anything, but I always think that knowledge is power...knowing the signs and psychology of scapegoating gave me power to put it into a perspective that was not as self-detrimental, because it really is ALL about "them" not about you or me. But as children, we are always inclined to explain inexplicable things to our own detriment. As adults, we can change that inclination and even undo the damage that we've done in blaming ourselves throughout our lives...but in order to do that, we need to arm ourselves with self-love, compassion for who we really are underneath all those lies, and knowledge.