Mustang, you have been holding this in for a long time, and I think it has come to a head, so to speak. I'm so sorry for the pain you have endured, and are still going through. I'm sorry I missed this thread, although I know we have "talked" before. These last few months have been a crisis situation for you. You asked in one of your posts how others deal with conflicts in the family. I've disengaged from my family several times, when I could no longer take being the scapegoat. I stood my truth by myself, while the abuser continued to live his life as a "family man." I stood alone until I no longer felt alone, because I found myself. It's possible. You are not alone. And that void can be filled with love. It may not come from them because they sound incapable of giving and receiving love. It's them, not you. You already know what is good and right for you (given the example that you know it is wrong to gossip.) It sounds like your mother can not deal with her own mental illness (bi-polar) so she projects it on to you to deflect it from herself? Much love and light to you, Lynn