Hi everyone,
Been reading your comments.

Jabber, I'm glad you're happy. Your comments made me think, though. With all his faults, my husband has always been a stay at home man. But, by default, really. Because his work is his life, he has no friends. I've always tried to encourage him to contact an old school friend more regularly, but it never materialized. He's always kept to himself. There have been times I feel sorry for him, but it's his choice. I can't force him to socialize. A few years ago we did start going out with a friend of mine and her husband, but that is only once a year around Christmas time. The only other social activity we have is going to the movies. He's always been that way. I've always had to maintain my own social life, in order to keep my sanity. His job originally entailed working at night, so it was a bit limiting for him anyway. Now, it's reversed, but we still don't do much, except now we add watching TV to the agenda. I know that's not a bad thing, but it would be nice to be more adventurous at times. It's sad, really. He has no life in him, and I'm the opposite.

Yesterday I had a great day with my friend, laughter was high on the list. Because I was feeling on top of the world, and confident that I wouldn't cry, I decided to try and talk with my husband. Unfortunately, it backfired. Tears continued through the night. This morning, I also ended up staying in bed until 2:00 p.m. as I just couldn't be bothered. He wasn't speaking to me, anyway. Even though we tried again later on, we haven't resolved anything. To me, he still comes across as thinking about himself again, so it's hard for my message to sink in. I'm very frustrated at the minute and do not know where it will go from here. I'll keep you posted.

If you can afford it maybe some time away from him, a little vacation with someone you feel good around, would help. Get away from it for awhile. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but sometimes it just makes the heart grow up, and makes it want to kick the other person to the curb for keeps.

Expat,
Glad you at least got in a little laugh time. Chatty has a good
idea, if you can get away it might help. My current husband
does not socialize, either. He's a loner. Sometimes I think he
must've been badly hurt along the road of life and that's why he is afraid of closeness. Don't know. But his whole family is that
way. I have seen lots of men who are loners, however. Good luck there girl; we'll be thinkin' about you!

You know: It's so easy to get married. Wouldn't be nice if it
was that easy to get divorced?

Good idea, Chatty, and this week would have given me the perfect opportunity as I'm off work, but the days have been passing me by. On the other hand, I'm not sure I would have liked to leave my son, as sometimes, I'm the only one who actually makes time to speak to him. Wouldn't want him to feel deserted. I've just been reading the comments in "How long do you stay in a bad marriage" and was both uplifted and comtemplative about my situation. One minute I want to leave and the next I doubt my actions.

And yes Jabber, it would be nice if divorce was just as easy. No guilt, just a mutual agreement, sign on the dotted line and off you go!

Take the kid along. He and you can have some real one on one time and relax at the same time. Just a thought!

And to you and jabber, I have yet to see an amicable divorce, even when both partys say it will be one, it never really is.

I sure didn't experience one. I can't be in the same room with
my ex. Like the song says, "I Fall To Pieces."

P.S. When a person spends a large chunk of their life,
loving and focusing on one human being, then that
relationship simply dies, I don't understand how the
split can be all that friendly.

That's true, Jabber. Unless of course, both parties admit the relationship is over, which we all know never happens.

My actual divorce proceedings were amicible...

It was just about six months after the divorce when life got financially hard for him having to support us (maintenance and child support) and support himself (with his girlfriend whining about why he sent all his money to us).

Since then - it has gotten down right ugly. I cant stand to even look at him.

Since the divorce, I've felt like a used paper plate. 21 years and he doesn't give a crap about my survival. I don't understant THAT!

So, when people say they are going through an amicable divorce, the little devil on my shoulder says, "yaaaaaaa, riiighhhttt!".

My goal is to someday have an advocacy program for women like myself - who don't have the money to fight, and who deserve someone in their court.

Their are advocates for the children, for the abused, but not for us average janes. I truly hope to fix that. (and when I say advocates, I hope to be able to find attorneys who will represent these women for free - just based on principal).

Enough of that.

:0) GOing to spend the day with my son in the mountains! Wahooo

danita

There is a group who's name escapes me that if you call them and no matter how far behind the creep ex is behind in payments, they get the money...They have a 100% success rate, are tough as nails and get the job done. And it doesn't cost an arm and a leg for the woman. I think its pay when/if they win. I will look and see if I can find their name and post it here. Try googling child support!